55. The New Age Dilemma

Personal/Friends & Family

Hah, this time for certain reasons is not a good start, a definitely worst case scenario to commence with my 2nd semester at MIAT. This post is written before the Chinese New Year.

Our happiness and excitement was cut off with the cruel nature of reality. The problem lies with our house by rent. The malay proverb, "telur di hujung tanduk" (similar if this is wrong heh) really depicts our situation. No real place to stay. We are quite literally hanging in the air. 6th floor. Air-conditioned. Fully furnished with TV, water heater and table. Even good looking closets and each room a set of make-up chair and table set. Oh yeah, a refrigerator. But that's not our house. Our requested unit didn't managed to get into our hands.

That's a house he lent to us temporarily. It's been almost two weeks and he's still all-talk into getting us the house we wanted.

Thanks to the agent who really show that he is seriously into the business and does not tolerate people who do not pay. And thanks to us ourselves who just happened to trust his principles of work. Haha. Yeah, he's serious in the business, as serious as a China conman. I am not going to explain further because I had explain this thing to too many people already especially parents who were worried from miles away.

A good lesson in dealing with money and important necessities and utilities: Do it as if you have no chance anymore to get it and never give in to unforeseen opportunities(because you really couldn't expect what to come). It's quite obvious but as first-timers getting into such business we learnt our special lesson in trusting outsiders. Especially being so far away from your family and home you are vulnerable to risks and unpredictable instances. You could only have close friends to rely on.

[tension..tension. Press ball..press press! -urh he looks pale yeah sick at that time]

And luckily that agent is not a big runaway conman, because at least we still have a house to stay in for the timebeing, enjoyingly with the luxury household items. Imagine the rental.
But just at these times you would really have a piece of that menthol filter in your mouth. Inhaling without lighting just does it. I'm not prepared to get lungs cancer so soon. Good the fear of suffering.

But also at these tough times we would find time to have fun and revel in our youthfulness. Guest appearance: Mou Jian(again). This time it's scotch whisky. Believe it. The Best Bottle In The World is not necessarily the best drink haha. But Jon says the Carlsberg Gold is superb. The Special Brew has been tested and it proved to be commendable. A foot to the plain original variant.

Ok this one is so far, the one which didn't stand out to my tastebuds and throat. But the aroma is fulfilling. The aftertaste sucks...bitter as dried malt/barley brewed beer. 43%.

So we started the boozing at 12am after watching Mr. & Mrs Smith. Mou Jian even brought dj clubbing music CD for the mood and there's a song which gangsta-raps on "lu kua hami lan ciau!!" Yes, card game accompanied the drink. The mixes were Shweppes(something like this..) Extra Dry Tonic and Coca-Cola. Awful mixes! They turned out to be laughing-vomit-inducing-concoction. LOL. Panadol wasn't mixed though.

The game was chortaiti. Losers drank one-go either half or full a cap of the scotch. Lame huh but that's the limit of our tongue and throat. And stomach. It burns. But the cold air rushing in after swallowing it is what I'm fond of. The best were still the one YW brought to Genting(private edition) and the one I drank last year during Chinese New Year, Ballantine Gold 12 Years Old.

Woo. Devil's call. I'm so into breaking this one precept in Buddhism. Haha. Intoxication. Haven't been drunk and not looking forward to it. But our latest boozing activity really made me experienced real-time lagging and brain blowing dizziness. Because it's like 2-4am in the morning. The high time for being blow. So Mou Jian stayed the night with us. Great pal for fun activities. At least, we are saviours to his surrounding according to him. At least, he's not the study-nerd top scholar kind. heh. Next should be a private Genting trip. Play hard.

[the fountain spot at Alamanda]

Oh yeah, we(minus MJ) went to Alamanda Putrajaya. I did my CNY shopping there. But I'm still short of some new bottoms. Hey shopping is tedious for me as a man. I mean, hurrh..I am not as rich to get whatever catches my eye. And I think men are supposed to keep shopping as simple as possible. heh

- - - - - -

So, friends. Please be extra careful if you are already being careful and try reason with your own thinking and decisions in dealing with almost anything in life especially when you're on your own or without support. Give it a second thought, so you could at least observe where you would go wrong. Generally. Because at certain time even we're at our most aware state and feet on firm ground we just tend to take the wrong step. It could be subconsciously a temptation, greed, easy satisfaction or false empathy, hopefully you get what I am trying to convey here.

It's not that we've been deceived or cheated of our money(actually kinda). We just trusted something that didn't appear in front of our eyes. And that cost us an unceasing increasing burden as long as we are still not final with our house rental. Furniture. Household utilities. Proper living. All put on hold. That greatly affected our time and energy consumption and to add to the trouble our classes have started. It's already so hard to stagger and manage our time to go to our classes as we all have limited transportations for 4 different classes' timetables.

Stressful. I have 7 subjects now with a LAN(ciau) subject, Malaysian Studies. And a packed-cum-oddly-hours-arranged class timetable. By the way I scored for my previous semester a cgpa of 4.0-flat @#$*&^ seems lucky. Freaking scored a precise 4.0 pointer for that freaking Moral LAN subject. Stressm proves effective.

[Cruel Reality of Nature is a song by Buckethead. "The Best Bottle..." is a tagline from Carlsberg beers]
[All photos except the Label 5 Scotch Whisky and the fountain spot were taken by my friend. All photos have been edited.]

We got our house already and we've moved in days before Chinese New Year.
Just to add more, we found a used condom with watery fluid in it which someone threw out of their window or balcony onto a grasspatch.haha. It's huge. Earlier, we found the box. haha

48. Murphy's Law

Friends & Family

"If anything can go wrong, it will"...

one of the would-be-learnt topic in the subject Human Factors in near future

Yeah, true. Anything. Everything. Any time. Every time.

So the talk of having a Kerachut was long started and the plan was to take place in this end time of the year. In less than 24 hours, the subject was brought up before we went swimming. This time: Hooi, Khang Yang, Daniel, Ye-Wheen and Jonathan with only 4 goggles. So we agreed. Spontaneous last minute conception of a wonderful and blissful hiking beach trip. That was the way to organize a Kerachut trip since 3 years ago. HAHA. My first time was with the Sea Scouts back in 2003.

Then the 2nd came when Mr. KY suddenly called in the midnight in the end of year 2006. The idea came from his brother. Ok, 2 days later then we went. The 3rd trip took place just like hmm...April this year, 8 months ago with Jon, YW and Hooi and of course the mother/father of Kerachut plan, Mr. KY.

That one was a special occurrence. Hah. It was planned already in advance a week earlier. But due to something I have forgotten about plus the day before the plan Jon, Hooi and I hiked and we're were like so tired and felt bored about the plan so we called it off, ourselves. Then came YW who actually cancelled off his appointments and other plans before going back to KL just to join in the trip admitted about the mentioned thing. I was deeply feeling guilty and with friendship spirit and luckily-good motivation-ed sportsman brought back the plan and called it ON again. hoho we sure had fun.

The evidence:
http://youareinmydream.blogspot.com/2008/05/65-kerachut.html
http://youareinmydream.blogspot.com/2008/04/selection-kerachut-party-hikathon_22.html and
http://diediediedieemobiaatch-andglobalpeace.blogspot.com/2008/04/rondo-capriccio.html

And ok the 4th. It was like 10 hours close to happening. And then it happened...the real cancellation. woohoo..and yeah I am typing this post while sending and receiving messages of discussion on the matter. This time, the spontaneity fails. Because not many could make it. Hooi has a gig this Tuesday night the 30th. Some busy. Some forbidden. Left me, KY and YW die out of enthusiasm BUT no worries, we've got a new plan. The Penang Hill. You just can't leave the adenosine triphosphates, mitochrondrion and the muscle tissues in such a temperamental shock..so keep them moving and rocking. Tamparan hebat.

Hooi on the Trombone, with friends of the Jazz Music
USM Auditorium Dewan Budaya
Tickets: SOLD OUT

sorry babes..

And I want to get this novel, The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper. The movie is not bad to me, I like that kind of fantasy and magical adventure. heh.

Books haven't I touched/finished:(if I can remember)
-True Sea Stories (man, I'm skipping the chapters already..can't stand the boredom)
-Chicken Soup for Teenager Soul
-The Simple Science of Flight #
-The Black Hole War #
-Mister B. Gone ##
-Shadowmancer ##
-SAS: Are You Tough Enough?
-Harry Potter: Goblet Stone (and after that)
##-Dying to read
#-Eager to read

Fark..I'm so hopeless in reading. Couldn't find the nice time to sit down and read. Laptop. Guitar. Bed.

Both dying to read books are dark fantasy disillusioning writings. And the eager to reads are physics-davinci-einstein-newton-hawking related books. Shit..another one, an e-book of The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene. Fun eh..it even has its documentary shows in Discovery Channel.

So, what's up? End of the year. Freaking last days of the year 2008. The aftermath of the Big Bangs. Meaningless but filled with imbalanced impacts. The aspects most affected and infected by alien invisible undiscovered substances: Relationships; education and career; life thoughts.

Upcoming post: The identity of the multi-faceted year 2008 revealed.

Current: Scraped skin(from ridge-free slide). Tanned skin. Burnt skin. Polished white ass. Sculpted muscle. Fun. From swimming. Another one ok, before all of us part again for year 2009. Swimming was never fun this fun, seriously. The best was YW moaning, "pls no pls dun, i will give u money later!" Correct me la if script wrong ahaha

41. The City of Evil + Electric Experience

Personal/Ideals

In fact, a retreat from city busy life into a jungle means pure fun and leisure but in hedonism terms...welcome to the City of Evil.

The Booze

[the one the other day we shared with Mou Jian]

The Game

[the "chor tai ti" card game that fills up spare time]

The Contraband

[this one is claimed to be only available in duty-free state. If not, it's smuggle item]

And..and and i kill a lot already. The fact is I don't despise insects and arachnids and I usually flick them off rather than killing. But at here, sigh..I do "DOUBLE KILL" or "mo mo MO MONSTER KILL" on the ants, spiders and bees. Cos' they keep coming like some eternal pilgrimage.. But good enough, I don't kill the cats.Nevertheless, i'm still a good young man. enough said =.=

After the mid-semester break I never thought that I would touch any guitar or strings until I return to island. Know what, just 4 days into the continuation of week I hit one. My eagerness grew fiery. I saw guitars in my neighbour's room and of course with no hesitation I'd borrowed it for the week...AH.

[Proof of Play]

1 month later, everything seemed to betray the fate. An electric took its turn on my lap and be abused. Pure luck. My friend told me that a friend brought it but because I don't know that person at all I didn't bother to take any effort to borrow it. Then the next day I overheard a conversation of my class monitor discussing about guitars and his friend who brought. Again, no shy shy balls handsomely made its way to the room and "confiscated" the electric right away..

[Proof of Electric, an Ibanez with 24 frets and two humbuckers. And my ESP pick.]

[As true as the claims of being good at clean tones, the Fender Frontman 15R]

Fuhh.."seperti cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan"---if it's correct.. Suddenly, the world of music spawned a revolution of underground guitarists. They just appear and make their presence felt at a sudden cancelling the perception that people here mostly make up of nerds and junkies. Music junkies, yes. So I'll have a good time jamming and rock in year 2009 with the new bunch of guitar freaks.

Here I would like to share a few videos of great drums and guitars covers with you guitars and drums lovers/fans/enthusiasts/desperados/freaks/collectors/
Lost Prophets - Last Train Home

Avenged Sevenfold - Beast and the Harlot

D'espairsRay - Grudge

Dir En Grey - The Final

[this is our great desire for too long..oh holy hooi and bad-ass wheen]

[title thievery of City Of Evil from Avenged Sevenfold]

37. Melaka Blitz + Booze Entropy 2

Personal/Friends & Family

oooh..Butterfly award awarded by Cheng Yee...the instructions there I ain't gona follow. My appreciation..sob sob thank you thank you..ahhahaahahha

So...for the Deepavali holiday weekend my friends and I had planned for a holiday plan. It was initially a Genting trip..bus fare only Rm7.80 from Kajang. But then we have a friend who is a prince of Melaka who suggested we go make a visit to the historical state of Malaysia that is Melaka.

We departed in the evening of last friday and reached there within one hour, there's only the border. A few more 10 minutes to reach the cities and first stop was a dinner spot with the friend's family. A treat. Nice food. Then we begun on a night excursion around the city and so we hopped onto the Sungai Melaka River Cruise. A 40 minutes cruising to see the famous spots of Melaka, a night scene of course.

After that, it's 12am already. Our friend took us around to check out the famous bars/clubs/pubs there. Cool eh..Good eh...chicks eh...There is one called Pure Bar. They are organizing a Halloween party. Anyone who come with make-up/costume gets free entrance. Another one just across the road is The Office, I had an inner attraction to it somehow...and then we strolled along the jetty entertainment centre. I could see the Eye of Malaysia already erected there. Balik rumah(friend's grandma house) buat si-eh then tidur...sucker Jonathan pwned the bed..leaving us blanketless and spaceless..my ass got banged basically until I gave up to change to another room without air-cond to rest in peace, literally. That was already 6am.

It's Saturday, whole lotta new places awaited my visit. It was my first time to visit Melaka. Even my family hasn't came. So, let these sets of photos tell the story. It started with a Chicken Rice-ball breakfast. I had 7 or 8 balls. Absolutely tasty. No pictures.

^This picture came through into life..all the while it was only found in the Sejarah Textbooks.

^This is the statue of Admiral Zheng He.

^This place too became a reality.

^A distant view of Eye Of Malaysia...or is it Eye on Malaysia?? hmm..

^The Beast & the Harlot in the City of Evil...note in the writings, the occupation of the deceased as a "merchant" and "captain" ahhah

^I think this is St. Paul.

^Japanese high school students...A LOT. I'm telling you, (fux the max!) I'm excited to see them(girls). But I had an experience there which then I identified them as Jipunas..I ain't writing it here. Ladies, don't bother to be curious I wouldn't want to let you people know. hahahaha

We had lunch at one of the very famous shop which serves Baba Nyonya delicacies from cendol to nasi lemak. We all had nasi lemak, laksa and cendol. All santan-based recipe. Total stomach euphoria. Of course I did buy gifts for people back at Penang. We went on to Makhota Parade shopping mall. Great place..cool. Balik rumah mandi pergi makan malam dengan ayah dan adik si kawan. It's something like bak kut teh..but no it's not, with pork meat and small intestines..in hokkien, hoon cheong. And then we walked on to the roads there which are named Jonker Walk, Taufu Walk..etc(i think so)..similar to Petaling Street night market. After that...

Clubbing. At The Office. Pure Bar was too crowded and packed. #$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&^%$#$%^& fux &^%$%^&*()*&^%$#$%^& I love the place. It's not usual like dance party clubbing, it's more of a leisure slow-burn clubbing but there are still people who were high and dancing. The waitresses all are dressed in office outfits...sexy. The chicks there...hot and cold. And I'm all hyped up, as I was served by 3 ladies. The music is LOUD so we have to talk(or shout) to the ears..that's the fux, communicating with them ear-to-ear so near(I can feel the ear and the lips..). AH, I can't forget that, man...my first club. 1 bucket of Tuborg. Muahah my friend said he's not bringing me along anymore next time because all the ladies approached only me muahah I'm telling you, I love it.

^So dark..

Oh ya there's prostitutes too luring rich men there...and one successfully caught one. My friend knows how to identify them..body language. Hot and slutty. Lepas tu balik rumah buat si-eh lagi tidur...

The next day, in fact before the next dawn at 5am. The stomach melancholy begun. Terrible stomach ache and food poisoning. The worst/best in my life to date. Toilet was my company of the day. oh the bed too. Porridge and Buns became the meals. Sigh, what's with me with new holiday places. Always. Enough, I don't want to remember the pain here...

Back to campus the next day because other friends were in pain too.
@$$#$%^&*

Melaka is great. Penang and Melaka the two "tak berkutu" states. Even Penang State CM came from Melaka. Fux

Homework homework assignment assignment sports workout rest...

Oh ya.. I got an old album of Lost Prophets - Start Something from there, one that I couldn't find in most shops.

{Advice...Clubbing destroys the heart. The music destroys the ear drums. Drinking destroys the liver. Smoking destroys the lungs. Unprotected ONS destroys the body. Excesses lead to a slow and young demise. Don't go over the line...for leisure once a while it's ok but be conscientious. I'm telling this to myself...but it's a live fast, die young hedonistic cult..huh}

[All the photos were taken by my handphone and some of them have been downsized, the proper size of the photo uploaded is under the link]

31. Quantum of Solace: The Funeral of Hearts

Stress-talk

Currently enjoying the loudness of Avenged Sevenfold and downloading the latest Dragonforce XD

Enlightenment for a brighter path, dissertation of processes and inquisition into the sub-element of life...

The fork and spoon of life..(in some cases, chopsticks and knives). What are their equivalents in life? They poke, cut, pierce, dig, split, scoop, etc and finally dismember any particular object. In life, I think it's either the heart or the brain or might be the dick. I'm still looking into it whether our heart guides the hand or the body does the sometimes evil bidding of the brain. Emotion vs Brainpower. That doesn't matter so much now.

The play of feelings. The game of hearts. The link of emotions. The immeasurable degree of temptation. Love. For my level(personal), it's given the simple term "feeling". Not hunch. "Human-to-human Attraction Hormone".

So, what's up people. What is going on in this world. Or rather this life that breaks more than it may mend yet it is so fore-warned that it shall be handled with care. We just let it flow naturally. But we do know how to control it. And why we humans, are still so naive and stubborn only to let our hearts be broken.

(this is freaking me out, I am not so sure what I wrote actually make any sense yet..I actually forgot what I've drafted in mind to write here)

I had conversations with a few persons today including my mum this very first day after returning from jungle 400+km away. And they all involve love.

No, I'm not in trouble. But the surrounding is in trouble. It might not be as bad as I think. But to me, it hurts to think about it. When especially friendships are at stake of "feelings"-relationships. The single very powerful element in life. But it's two-faced. If you learn Moral on Moral Values and Ethics, there's two kinds of value: an instrumental and another is intrinsic. The instrumental, as it's related to materials defines the values as to nurture something so as to materialise something else with no real true perceived good intention, usually bad as being materialistic to the extent of being self-centred. Intrinsic on the other hand defines the values as natural and good in intention straightforwardly. In this case of love, the facade usually looks real good. Very normal, every normal typical human with no strong abstaining foundation could fall for it.

As mentioned, it could destroy. It brings chaos and disorganization. And I learn this from the people, some say, "it's best to remain as friends, otherwise intimacy could break us apart even from being just friends". But of course, some smarter hearts or people who truly understand the meaning of love and care without the lure of intimacy managed to get through life happily and ever after. It varies among many different types of people. But the concept is there I think, you either accidentally blow it or keep the flame burning with true mutual respect.

It's agonizing. Not as directly a lover or victim. Indirectly.. I gain my kind of experience and knowledge from friends and acquaintances. The suffering. The pain. Of each person come and go and hurting one another. I don't know. It's worse when you're dealing with a higher degree of maturity and there is more serious life-threatening emotions being involved. Meaning more harm generated if a breakage were to happen.

During the younger teenage years, love may just be infatuations, puppy-loves(my term is "puppet-love") and plain love-at-first-sights...that which when a failure occurs, it only injures at most the level of having false expectations or failed anticipations. In my opinion, it's immature and serious immaturity does lead to premature life delusion(or sometimes deaths). But at higher level, usually either at the start of adulthood or later on, a great deal of series of mental fluctuations takes place. Because at higher level of maturity, more values are being taken into seriously and expected/requested such as care, comfort, attention, material and etc., basically of a good life). When they are not met, mutual understanding starts to fail. If not handled appropriately or when one individual loses out to another competitor then the fallen may suffer and break.

The point here is not directing the blame to any side or particular figure. It's kind of like a key and lock. The whole point actually involves the "key into the lock" basic, which is the source and embryo to physical/sexual attraction a.k.a temptation. I have told this more than once in the same day (weird enough) on the basic derivation that I've attained from various sources that, men want women (women also want men) and usually women are caught in between (I'm not sure about the worldwide sex population). So women are like switches or diodes in electrical circuits which are men. Take for example, if there's a problem with the switch or the diode in a circuit, definitely electrical current will suffer some resistance or breakage. It's not to put the women at fault. I am merely showing the link of "I-need-you and you-need-me".

Sometimes it looks as though there's a succubus ruining lives but seriously it couldn't be helped. Humans, in my opinion make up a part of the animal kingdom on Mother Earth. So it's only natural, instinctive or intuition that we men and women succumb easily to temptations. Another way positively is, also natural, the mating need which prompted humans to hunt relentlessly and compete against each other.

My mum added, men do not think with their head. They think with their dicks. How true in certain cases. Though you(or we) may not feel it or not admit it but I think that is only normal.

It makes up the whole balance system in life. The ups and downs equal constant, that means there can not be ups only all the time and vice-versa. Some people living happily together, some enjoy playing with hearts while some do the "enjoy the silence" loneliness.

Basically, I see the play of love is doing more harm to people now. This seriously has an impact at an early stage of believing love is pure and free(flowing). But for me, it's still a long way to go from here and hopefully I don't get involved(in any treacherous relationship)(speaking from Jared's point).

After all, it's a wicked game we play. In life.

[No brains were screwed writing this screwy post, only plain mental torture inside out and plain sleepiness]

Friends and foes, buckle up. Life is fun but it is no joke.

[Thanks to the people who had inspiring talks on these with me. Quantum of Solace is of the upcoming 007 Bond movie title. Funeral of Hearts is of a song thievery from HIM. Inspiring phrases or words from Marilyn Manson - Heart-shaped Glasses(When The Heart Guides The Hand), Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence, Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. and Chris Isaak - Wicked Game. Not forgetting the Bernoulli's Theory.]

If you don't understand this post, forget about it I will try write something comprehensible. It's been a trouble for me to story-tell and explain things properly to people...urgh..twisted tongue

24. The Dawn to the Darkness

Stress-Talk

Let me try create something out of nothing. Fill nothingness with blankness.

hmm...brainstorm. headbang. fresh air.. music....free time
Ok, this will be a short one if I couldn't.

I talked to Jonathan about the zero state or zero level neutral condition. Which God knows what's this is about.

Let's say. If everyone becomes good people and there's zero vices. Sinless. So the world turns good. So good becomes the normal level. The neutral. Like nothing. Let's mark it as zero. So like I mentioned before on the relation with Integers in Mathematics. Zero is now the goodness. I stated that it will go up or go down from there. I just don't know why, I didn't think well enough(as usual) perhaps. When Jonathan says, ok let the world continue to go up in positive numbers. It struck me in the pancreas. He means letting the world do better and better and be greater at being good. At that point, I just suddenly stopped dead at my thought to stand for my principles. Hmm..I think and think and I agreed that time. But I kinda deny that the increase that is higher than the zero level leads to something else. It might not be good-er. So what? There's a miscalculation and lost of thought in this matter. I gotta sit back and relax, unwind recollect my thoughts and analyse. Hmm...haven't done laundry in 3 days.

Ok, back to quotes and prophecies... I watched Batman(on the premier day). Commercial title is Dark Knight. Snippets of spoilers here.

Let me talk a bit about my surroundings first. hehe, my first time in fact having movie-goers beside me getting so moved and emotional besides laughter. There's these people around me who kept uttering, "shit!", "oh no!", "shit" and more "shitt". It's normal actually, I have seen my aunts all scream and begging for God's mercy for the hero in the movies, and a senior schoolmate communicating with the characters in the movie like, "watch out! At the back of you!" "NO! TURN RIGHT!" "ah ur leg!" "hit him harder!" "GOSH! YOU'RE SO DUMB". Back to the Batman. Because there's scenes which really threaten audiences to curl, pray for forgiveness and ponder whether the killing or hurting will take place. In the end,[spoiler] most of the hurtings happen for real. So to me, this movie is violent but erm..but not gory. Just a little sadistic and satirical. Ah, just how great the acting of Heath Ledger(R.I.P.) for the character The Joker. Pure awesomeness. And Christian Bale trying to sound like Corey Taylor in Batman suit. Lots of surprises in this movie. Just pure greatness. Being a realistic humanoid superhero movie, this is a great action-movie for me. The other would be Indiana Jones in this year. Other super great special effect action-movies for me are still Transformers and the new ones are Ironman and The Incredible Hulk. HULK SMASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So in the movie, there's this quote: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. What's the point there? The magnifent two-face ever changing world. The perception of people. The thoughts alike. Sometimes you do good but you are blessed wrongly, short-termed. But some bad guys really live forever with good blessings. Let's not talk about afterdeath or life. What The Joker does is really similarly of Goth, if according to YW's post. Non-mainstream conformist way. The unidealistic. Do what's right and fun for himself. But of course, Stressm objects to his deeds in instigating and killings. But by watching the movie, I developed a sense of empathy for him. I also feel what he is doing serves mankind right. Sometimes there are just these kind of mavericks who try to show the world a different path but too bad, the mainstream view the move as "illegal".

Same to my brother's conformity with Karl Marx's Communism ideology. Is it an ideology? Same thing again, it depends on how you accept them. I do not really believe there's right or wrong but it's subtle. Absurd at times. Or sometimes people just use the wrong method with the wrong tools. But that's also the maverick's way. You use fund-raising activity to help create awareness towards some peace work. The maverick might use fireworks and display of bloodshed to cease war and promote peace.

Greed sometimes or at all times plays a part. For an example, you would want some part of the profit or credit gained. haha but Batman doesn't, really. He endures it. And that is why he is the Dark Knight.[watch the movie then you will know wth i just mentioned]

"WHY SO SERIOUSSS?!" ~The Joker

Ok, new thought. (not bad..maybe it's music that keep my brain generating new ideas..just listened to Avenged Sevenfold's Seize The Day guitar solo).

This way. Take Batman. He fights crimes. He tries hard to reach the zero level. So let's say zero level is attained. Which means he is no longer needed? Or he is the new deal to the cops? The movie targets him as a law breaker..some kind of Hancock? By the way, Hancock movie is really inspirational. Batman, gona be the new villain? That's the point in that zero level theory. When the "bad" extincts, the "good" becomes the bad in order to restore to good. Any idea what this explains? I feel this agrees to the principle that higher or lower fluctuation from the zero level leads to something else. And it comes back to the cycle principle. Take this, when you are bad, you will want to be good. When you are good, you do something bad and you become bad.

Theoretical.

SUbjective. Big Banging.

My belief: Take this life as neutral. Then you screw, you do real bad stuffs like killing and raping. Next life, you suffer and suffer bad fate as a vengeance to your past life and then you repent. In the following life, you lead a poor life like a new beginning. Next life your life turns back to neutral. So the cycle of life goes on. However this is not in line with or being taught by Buddhism and in Karma, though it's similar in the sense of cycle.

It takes free time and twisted neurones to come up with these ideas to write.

Sucked. Absorbed. The by-products are to be expelled soon. 2 hours of blogging two posts..and Jonathan has continued his nap. But I didn't post this instantly.

Cheers. This might be one of the very few last large hours of free time I am going to have... Savour!

Back to jungle life.

"Take me home to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty" ~Paradise City, Guns N' Roses

12.5 A Trip to Hell & Void~The World is Black

Personal/Ideals

Warning: Read at your own risk. Contains psychological elements.

A new nightmare surfaced. Again, these weird dreams often came to me when I slept in my grandfather's room(he'd passed away 5 years ago) or on the sofa in the living room. This morning I slept on the sofa. And this so-called nightmare landed a great impact in my thoughts. It touches on relationship especially friendship and attachments. You can read on for leisure or believe me I had it in my brain after waking up. Start; our country is facing a problem. A population control problem. So, the government implemented this ruling or system to lower down the number of people. It's not like the China's one child per family ruling. It's the perishing of a number of people currently living. It's some sort of National Service selection process. If you are "lucky" you got shortlisted to, well end your life and help mankind. Absurd. I was weeping and holding back all my tears in my dream(for all I can remember) because a few of my friends are named and going to be put to sleep in the death sentence execution process where the person is given a lethal injection.

Ah, I can't contained the deep agony I felt in my heart at that moment when I see everybody congregating into the building to see their loved ones given free legal ticket to heaven. The feeling of going to have your best friends dying so soon, that's just way too hard for a teenager like me and what more, they are your friends who you just knew not more than 10 years and have bonded as good acquaintances and activity partners. Yes, the people in my dream do exist in this reality so imagine them being sent off now for that reason. My real close friends. I was very upset on how could the world be so cruel sending us teenagers to death to regulate the margin of our country's population. You see, I have this principle in me which is strongly against taking away others' lives because we have no right to do that even if vengeance takes place unto us(I am believer to Gandhi's words, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"). So what to do if we have no power and we couldn't stand up strong. We watch and cry.

My point here is, when I am face-to-face to that situation the whole world seems to suddenly lose its foundation and everything falls onto your heart, heavy and asphyxiating. I have this very awful emotion in the dream. But I told myself soon let's face it with tough cardiac and facial mucle tissues, it's gonna happen anyway. A fate. A mere significant heart-filled coercing of life's flow. Then, I went to visit one of my friends(I don't have to name them-what a touchwood tragedy). He's on the bed beside is a screen showing the process of injection progress and his pulse rate. Hearts start to sank as the heartbeat rate starts to retard. Our last conversation. It's not like in the movies(because I don't have much emotion while watching). Of course I could dream of feeling like this because I've had experience watching my grandfather going up the stairway to heaven, watching family members being sad for the deceased and, collecting all my fishes which succumbed to death. And I can't remember if I have seen him the moment he stopped breathing. My heart at that moment is beyond recognition.. the inner point I am going to write about is attachment. It's very hard to let go, of anything. Like, a friend suddenly dies and you haven't got the chance to talk to him/her or tell him/her you have a heart for him/her or at least but really last, a goodbye. Even in normal circumstance when a friend didn't die and I didn't get to tell him/her goodbye I'd have already felt sad. There's another scene where I called a girl(friend) to tell her I wanna meet her and say goodbye but I was interrupted by my gang(I'm somewhat a bad-ass gangster member) as I am ordered to wreck havoc in one of the wards where the girl I wanted to meet is at. And then I woke up. Everything was just a dream. Glad.

So cherish your life as Elvis Stojko quoted as saying, "The past is history, the future is a mystery but today is a gift, that's why they call it the present so cherish every minute of it". You don't have to go confessing to all girls that you liked them before it's too late, I mean that's weird and dumb but just appreciate their presence in your life which makes you happy so you don't regret if anything out of the questions happen. And I just read this story article written by a survivor of the Khmer Rouge terrorism in this year's Reader's Digest June issue. Sokreaksa S. Himm wrote, "All I wished for at that moment was to tell my mother how much I loved her. I wished I we had been able to say goodbye. At the same time, my heart burned with rage." That was when he was witnessing his mother being clubbed to death by the Khmer Rouge agents. Just for your information, he met and forgave the murderers 25 years after he escaped from his village. So, that's the intense funereal emotion.

That's it, plenty of digression and fully "grandfather story"(muaha u know who u r who described my posts with) equipped lines. Stressful flow of life it is we're living in...

[Song title thievery from The World Is Black by Good Charlotte]