Sunday 1 March 2009

56. I'm God...

Stress-Talk/Ideals/Personal
So how do actually people judge or view one another? How do people start to gain trust. How do people begin to have fun. How do people just find amusement and make life just so colourful and blossom with filthy immaculateness. Just some random(fun yet social abusive) topic to write on.

Attitude.

Behaviour.

Body language.

Gossip/reference.

Favoritism Judgement.

Face value(visual perception).

What I'm trying to bring to thought here is related to human physical and mental interaction which is not so into social-contact but includes more of the surrounding issues and especially which deals with the eye and the mind. At least, for comprehensive purpose I will write it in a more straight-to-the-point manner.

Take this, you walk into a place. And then you don't feel too comfortable. Either feeling out of place or when a lot of heads are turned facing you. Let's minus these instances such as unzipped pants, funny hairstyle, and outstanding visual values like pretty/sexy/handsome/big/great.
So what are the potential causes to the feelings concocted and blended through the nerves and be interpreted as a visual-environmental-tunnel-perplex in the head. Simply, you feel like people are looking at you for dunno wat reasons.

I've collected a few causes, sources of this "perasan" case. "Perasan" can be defined as being very aware of the surrounding interaction or being self-conscious. One obvious reason is of course being so self-conscious thinking that everyone would be looking at you. In short, vain.

So if it isn't self-conscious, what is it.
Inferiority complex.
Feeling inferior. Not so good huh. Feel that people are looking down at you. For no apparent reason apart from lack of self-confidence/esteem, you just feel like people don't accept the way you are there.

Reality status-discrimination.
Sometimes. For certain people. Sometimes people who got overflowing cash and beautiful paycheques just have different visions with levels of arrogance. But some really are different, the one who whose heads elevated and do not even take a glance. And sometimes the other way, like a super rich clean guy entering a poor slum.

Style.
This one surfaces more among young people. When rockers meet popstars, hip-hoppers battle disney-dancers or classical musicians drink with black metal worshippers. Goth vs mainstream. Sometimes the uniques catch discriminative attention and sometimes they get idol worshipped. But at times the simples get the thumbs down. Just about who turns up conspicuous.

The "in"-"loud"-"prominent"-"pretty" group.
This one also occurs more often within the young generations. Though, the elders usually get the attention either when they are a group of drinkers or a group of foul language loudspeakers. So, like this, the group with the most good-looking men and ladies. Or the one which could generate the loudest attention-seeking noise.

I could think of only those. Actually these are playing in my mind while being in the experience of going through different kinds of people or basically when you enter somewhere new to y-ourselves. A common but sucky, self-"de-personalising"(and at times against own principles) solution is to fit in. Think of it. Being new to a community who does something you don't do(or dislike) and then trying to fit in by doing it. The most fundamental explanatory example would simply be pick up smoking when everyone else around you smoke. Hey, you think it's foolish, yes but it's happening now in the schools, cities, suburbs and societies. Come on, the best example I can give you is, practically almost everyone smokes in my hostel last year.

Enough said, about fitting in or doing something common to feel right at place. Basically, I just feel uncomfortable when people turn their heads to look. It's without a doubt in fact a form of self-conscious. Because sometimes it's just a reaction for people to look up in attention. I know.

But, being totally out of place yeah out of Penang I can just feel it. And especially being from the obscure school distant from the place I always patronize. Today, I'm already quite settled at that vicinity but still, the complex in the head is still in the air. Totally chinese people...mandarin..chinese songs..."cool" hairstyles..plus real china people.

The stand-out difference that I can really feel is it doesn't happen with the overwhelming populated black people(africans/middle-easts/afric-americ). I have more due respect for them more than I have with the IIIothersIII. Forgive me for I myself being a Chinese saying things as such. I feel good and proud anyway being in a school with so few of my ethnicity. No I am not against my own race. I'm just a bit sensitive and have a certain social-mental distortion against that kind that exists in the race. You
KNOW what I mean.

Tagline:
It's so much easy to find Malaysian rockers among the Malays and find similar interest-bound clicks.

Of course, language does a little barrier to our social blender. hurh..In my opinion, in KL they insist on speaking Cantonese. Other place, Mandarin would be very much preferable. Although they have to learn English and BM to communicate with international students but they ain't like/gona speak other than Chinese with us, Chinese ethnic Malaysians. In Penang, heh simply easy Hokkien does the job. Most actually know mandarin and cantonese but come on, it's Penang our lingua franca is Hokkien. Foot to you mandarin in Penang haha.

This one is personal a bit(but not necessarily my incident). I just don't like when you people start to change language and speak to one another to discuss something else in a middle of a big discussion/conversation especially with people who don't understand. I just don't feel good, as if I'm in the plan to conspire, but actually I don't understand either. This is an example from my Moral class last year with the lecturer being the only Malay. And also Indians who do that switch of language. hurh..mana respect ni.

So back from digressing...that much is a subtopic of finding a living in out of place. Practically or basically that is, trying hard to retain and remain being yourself.

Like, I actually really lose myself when clubbing. Another kind of show of fitting-in.

When in a group, I feel safer and much more steady. But sometimes I do get out of hand especially doing a group thing. A basic form of joining in the fun.

If solo, that's really me myself and no influences except mind blowing pressure in the head thinking shits and fits while being alone with the past and future logs come crashing in suddenly. Could be saddening. Could be joyful which you might happen to catch yourself smiling and laughing by yourself out of the blue/green/black/red etc. Most of the time I'm humble and kinda the shy type.

What do you think? I always think of the James Bond cool way. Funny. In the end, I find myself turning my head quickly enough to avoid eye-contact but usually it's already too obvious when the girl I'm looking at turns to look back in the same direction. That is why I always do a quick-scanning..the hermit-timid kind.

ahah but when I'm full of confidence and brim-full of esteem I go crazy. Out of control. I totally unleash. Maybe that's the just my real personality. As for being ourselves. But I have a Stresser comment. What we do(peer/tv-influences negligible) is actually a form of being ourselves because that's us doing if not being possessed and when subconsciously we do not feel good after doing is because that is not what we like in our head but it's nature that our hearts guide the actions. This explains on how certain adults end up in a career different from their ambition...they go with the flow and for being themselves they just accept and decide on what they are capable of with limitations.

So if He's God..I'm Godder? Right. If they are cooler, we're just hot.

This is just an example of what I think is freestyle. It says, why worry?. Trying to grasp the stoicism and hedonism within the hair. Maybe Jonathan who always sleeps(a.k.a TuKia->hokkien-jaredi-pinyin) could explain..haah

*Tad-bits of bite for the season(new feature!!!): The scientific and logical fundamental of music is rhythm and sound come from everything that comes into contact and produces a pulsating waves that are interpreted as sound waves and be recognized as sound. And the root of production of sound could be hitting or knocking. Take pound on the table. Tap the feet. Knock on the door(not necessarily Heaven's). And repeated action of such in a faster(may it be aggresive) manner like knocking, stomping or talking(or shouting/screaming) is considered a progressive sound production. Talking/screaming is a form of melodic and varying pitch and frequency bounded waves that can be derived from a single note that comes out from the mouth. So? So in the events of those repetitions, noise, colloquially is produced as known as an unwanted/disgusted form of sound. So, yeah you can brand Rock/Metal music as noise. It's true but you just can't bear it. heh such fun.

Cos, "if it ain't Rock it ain't music"~Hooi's t-shirt, December 23, 2008.

In my opinion, overjoyful-mainstream/pop music is noisy. Bad mix of syncs...noisy howls. At least rock has its clear rhythm. Crispy. Even hip-hop heh. Anyhow, just find your favourite music and suck it up no one's vexin'.

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