109. Through the Eyes of the Pancake Hawker

Ideals/ Personal

- Through my eyes and mind.

First of all, thanks to Ninie~ for encouraging me to write on (especially on travel experiences - yes, on Mount Rinjani climb. Ninie is my fellow adventure/travel friend.) But I don't have yet the motivation and maybe, honestly no full and free-spirited spare time to lay down my accounts on the climbing experience. Much have been recorded through the photos and mostly kept dearly in the heart and mind. I did keep a timeline journal though.

*

It's late in the morning after a bank visit, a little boy his hand held by his mummy walk into a hawker centre. The mother said they will have some pancakes for lunch. Boy nods. So she makes the order and they stand by the pan-fried pancake hawker stall. This boy watches as the uncle cooks magic. With steam and smoke billowing up everywhere (it's common in any hawker centre.)

"Uncle, tua eh chi pao."

 "M: uncle, big one. one packet."

"Pao eh chi pao. ho, ho."

 "Uncle: one packet. ok ok." 

"lai, nor kor." 

"Uncle: come, two ringgit."

"oo chau bo uncle? Hor lu goh kor." 

"M: got change, uncle? Give you five ringgit."

"ei sai ei sai. chau lu sah kor. ho ah, kamsiah kamsiah."

 "Uncle: can can. Change you three ringgit. ok, thank you."

"kamsiah." 

"M: thank you."

*

So, I am (kinda) back (again.) haha. Was having just a little chat with my mum (I miss my family and home), and a bruder on our homeland (island to be specific) Penang and its heritage preservation. So much fuss about it in recent years. The matter has been around for decades since independence of the country anyway. It's so much fuss because we Penangites want our home to look like our home in they way it has always been very badly. The state government has been trying to do whatever it can. But of course nothing is perfect. There are times when nothing works out fine and times when efforts bear fruits. The keypoint is having growth and state wealth proportionate and at the same time preserving its heritage, maximum? Or just looks like that but in actual fact everything is like an overdressed mannequin. Read this article on Penang being soulless which has been on share circulation on Facebook among my fellow islander friends. Really, we really love Penang so much really.

I am not touching on how are we doing it or how do we do it. This just an expression. I am not involved in the cultural preservation and conservation of the heritages of Penang. Just a little bit here and there of how things look like through my experiences.

Just the mention of the word "Penang" whether as a name of place, your home or something to do with visiting places most locals will have a picture of hawker food stalls if not mobile street vendors if not the simple yet majestic Penang Bridge if not hill cable car if not Kek Lok Si temple if not traffic jam! No, traffic jam is exclusive to KL. My cousin says it's tenfold worse in Jakarta, Indonesia. True enough, I'd experienced it along the roads and highways around Bandung(also Indonesia.) yada yada

Yes, I am talking about the food stalls in Penang. Penangites just love to eat. And being health conscious at the same time. That's why we don't have the rate of obesity like in America. Just look at your food! How much oil and fat are in it - really yummy. Even Halal food in the streets- picture Nasi Kandar, served with generous amount of fat and oil. Surrender, as long as you enjoy eating.

That's one of the things that make up the picturesque Penang Island. A lot of chinese being non-Muslims so you have a lot of non-Halal food by the streets. I admit, even most simple Chinese dishes have pork lards all over them. I can read your mind, it reads char koay teow. Google whatever names/terms I post here which you think are alien.

The matter I am expressing on is the fact which brings about the existence of so many hawker food stalls there. I don't know even if there is a time when it all started. Or is it just natural, consequential or the thing to do to live. In other words, ricebowl for the vendors. History for sure tells us that there is a lot of immigrants from China, India and Arab. Whole lot of them were workers either forced by the colonizing army or just migrators. My grandfather (father's side) was one of them. So, that explains why are there so many Chinese vendors there in Penang. On why are they mostly revolved around food, it boils back to Penangites being food-lovers.hah. Food is generally the fuel to sustenance. To fill the stomach to survive.

Workers need food to continue working. Families need food to feed their children. The king needs food. We all need food. Again, why does it look like it's so abundant in Penang. Let's not over-analyze. Analysis and socio-economy reports have them. We're here to express and share. The fun part is that we Penangites are very proud of it for having such tasty gastronomy and it is officially regarded as a food paradise.

Typical of a hawker centre.

Many of the vendors were being interviewed over the recent years. They all shared one thing in common. They mention passion. But is that passion conceived (through interest) or through the need to survive back in the older days. Both ways, it can still be passion. Passion to serve is another way. I believe most of them serve as out of passion today. Most of them already have families. You and I and the rest are related to them here and there. Their immediate children may be already doing well in their careers. Some open a fixed shop as part of their family business expansion plan. This is one of the kinds of growth you see in Penang. Food and retail businesses.

Some could be still struggling to make ends meet. Putting bread on the plates of their families. Blood, sweat and tears still spill - the test of time do not compromise on this. No free lunch, so they say. Through my eyes I can only tell that they are working hard whether it is to serve society or as a hobby/passion (to cook and serve food) or altogether. The need to survive lies in the heart and soul of the people doing it.

*

Today, the boy who is a grown young man already. He walks to the stall and make his order, this time by himself with his family seated. This pan-fried pancake seller is still the same man who served in this hawker centre since a decade ago. Only shorter in height due to a slight hunch, with greyer hair and very seasoned/ worked skin. The same simple clothing and towels around. The pancake may not taste the same physically but it will still bear the same values of humility as of a cook's love in his cooking. And maybe the need to survive.

It still make children smile and grown adults cheer while they have the food. The child is me.

"uncle, tua eh chi pua." 

"J: uncle, big one, one plate."

"chiak eh ah? ho ah." 

"Uncle: eat here? ok."

"ah. chei lai bin"

 "J: yes, sitting inside"

"ho, ho." 

"Uncle: ok ok."

"lai siao lien eh, si kor."

 "Uncle: come young one, four ringgit."

"(wah..ki kheh liao..) ah." 

"J: (wah, price increase" yes."

"ok ya, chau lu chi kor."

 "Uncle: ok, change you one ringgit."

*

I can remember two places which sell this pan-fried pancake. A place which is no more was along Beach Street. Another which still exist is in Pulau Tikus. Check link for pictures. Keys: pancake, chinese, banana. Ah memories. My parents used to bring me to eat it or buy back home.

[Direct romanization/"pinyin" of Hokkien words are not accurate and may be incorrect. me not a complete penang hokkien speaker. buat malu jaa..a]
[Account of storytelling is not exact. Drama is added for twist.]
[Picture googled]

108. Of What They See Matters?

Ideals/Brainscrew

cos Nothing Else Matters hah

Really? I guess and I judge so. Now let's keep my judgement "off" this issue.

We are what people see.

What matters is that it's up to you, it's your call, your actions and your own feelings (your heart and wish), so they say. All within yourself. And that's the problem. It only takes place in yourself.

Then comes the action of expression. Comes in two methods; just doing it (nothing else matters) and the other, do it to show, meaning to share and disseminate courses of actions - pretty just share it over a journal or any other social media. 

Get what I am trying to differentiate and point out about? About how your actions are not objectively regarded as actions if they are not seen. The prime matter this post is about being seen. So if you had done something but nobody saw it. nobody actually cares. Your loved ones care, hopefully. If only you let them know. They would listen. If not, same thing. But in faith, they wished so.

Actions and thoughts. This is very general and wide I will not write deeply in any of its aspects or branches. But I will include examples. 

Put in a unique and simpler breakdown of words, what people see are matters (more) than your actions or rational. Yeah, something like they always say, actions speak louder than words. Alter it to, "seen actions are definitely truer than just actions."

Now you see where unsung heroes come into play. Until they are being discussed or found out. Because nobody saw them when they do the heroic acts. 

Another point of view with the same concept would be like, people tend to only catch and notice your wrongdoings and what happened to your work of charity, hard work; contribution which leads to some success. People judge at first sighting and even from the very first encounter. First sight of whatever you're doing. That leads to impression. Without knowing the real reason or rational behind the words, actions or thoughts expressed. So there would be no chance of "forgiveness" if  "good" sight does not appear with you again with that person looking.  You will be praised and congratulated upon showing up again with "good" things happening around.

*

The winner would be the one who can express much well (this excludes up to major whining and excessive lamentations). It's obvious the quiet and timid will fall short of survival in this need-to-be expressive culture and commonality. The modern, smart and intelligent (oh yeah unique smart) or the ones with common senses (must be in line with the current generation or ahead) say, "You gotta be one step ahead. You're going to lose out if you don't step up your level of thinking and... actions." Correct but not all of us intend to do things to be ahead of time and development. Mere workers and lives with souls just want to live. Just living it out. In our own ways. We don't want to be much involved in the rushing scene of competition and race to riches. So we pretty much do not show. Then shine through. 

But we do care about the blood, sweat and tears we dripped so badly. We want to be recognized not competitively but just to be appreciated. Basic feeling. A basic drive in this living. A minimal way to show. But too small the fries to be SEEN.


In reality, this fast moving world does not cater and provide for the living of the average jacks. They want results. They want to SEE results. They do not care how you do it. How you work way up. Being wise and cautious sometimes just does not fit you in the bullet train. Because it's moving so fast the other people want you to get in faster. They want to SEE you get in quick. You might be quick they want it quicker.

Here are some examples in view (at opportune times and of different settings with characters illustrated in a manner not generalising all people) :

1. Too bad. I saw you sitting doing nothing this morning. "But I have completed the orders last night (I didn't get enough sleep). I have done my part. You don't see?" - in your mind. Bad worker you are. 

2. "I love you! Take a look, surprise (gift)!" Yay love you too! Some time later - I am not sure if you really meant it when you said that. (It's just a gift) Thanks though. "But but..I worked day and night everyday to get this for you, I want you to be happy. Not being materialistic but it's a gift I meant to give and express love. I worked towards it." - in your mind and backdrop. Bad lover you are.

These two examples have no relation with whatsoever experience I have gone through but for at least what I've seen. It also applies here - I would only be able to write and talk about things which I have seen for myself. Never seen never knew never felt. Unless it's a feeling you want to pen out first and then make it seen.

*

So, what people see also have impact in what they say or do. And think. Judgements, thoughts, selections, respect, appreciation and the list goes on they are all based on what people see in an obvious light. Because people could not care for what they do not see. Because they do not know and they would not even know that they do not know. Making things worse are people are ignorant for they are already oblivious. It does not stop right at ignorance it's the choice to believe in only what they see, saw and seen. Forgive those tend to make decisions fast based on what they see minimally due to their lack of knowledge and exposure in the particular field. But to forgive those ignorant and stubborn? Maybe not stubborn, something (let's not use the word "worse" because it is judgmental) more in a state of unwillingness to see/hear what they do not believe.

In short, there are people (whom in my eyes do so) who refuse to accept opinions. Not changes. Changes take place with time. It does take time for somebody to accept new systems and development. But in this case opinions in form of varying actions and thoughts. 

So they can't see, they don't matter. 

~ You are kind and caring. You take care of your friends and families. But to some friends and some people, you look like you don't care. Because either you don't often show your care, or your words don't show or they just never had never seen you care for them. "You are not kind and caring." The first statement is about you. The latter statement is the "truth" in the minds of many. 

~ You are hardworking and wise with your decision making to make things work. You work hard to make ends meet. Be it at work, at home or with relationships. But to many, you look like you are not so bothered and actually not care about anything. Like bad apple, you just sit and watch the world burn. Because you remain calm and cool in tight situations. Because you are heavily thinking and trying to work out some proper plans and actions to be executed. Because you kinda look bad-ass. "You are not hardworking and you don't care." It is stated about your true nature. But what people see is you being nonchalant, shoddy and tardy. Then it makes you feel like you rather just be like bad apple - being treated the same way if you ever tried to work harder.

*

They say to just be yourself. There's numerous ways to look at this. I list two. One is let loose; be natural and do or say whatever you intend to - which leads to personal satisfaction and not holding back. Second, admit it that there is nothing real or true in nature and practical with being oneself in this reality. The world will be a very harmonious place to live in if everybody is true to themselves and others. This reality does not look like it haha. In this competitive line of living people are to project themselves in a way that they impress people. Impression and expression. Then action. Of course results ultimately. So these values are all used as means to achieve up to the benefit. Unfortunately, these values portrayed are most probably untrue of the person. But true and definitely effective. Because not everyone will like you being yourself. Let's say you're annoying, perverted, noisy, too quiet or fat; yeah includes inferior values. 

True values are only required to be shown only at home with your loved ones. So they can nourish you with motivational words when the outside world just won't accept you. Unless it's pure charity. People are still people. Do first regret later. Just a little short side note; especially in relationships - people chase for ideal styles and possibly untrue values but seem so great to not to take the "offer". And then people show true values when they are home - see? Oh no I hatechiuuuu.

*

I'd believe the social media has played a very large part in this matter of being seen and being recognized. You will be liked, praised and hailed as "godly" good or cool if you know the ways and the so-called tricks (formally known as intelligent marketing and promoting). But you will never be known if they don't see evidence. I don't know... I guess social networking has become more of like a popularity contest indirectly and unknowingly. Settings for yourself are good for filtering your feed. Whereas the general setup is implemented more to cater for the rich and famous. Rich in love, love for ..anything; wealth, wealth of knowledge, experience, tricks (aha), credit; oh yeah fans. 

The seemingly corrupted, fast-moving and greedy world has churned out a result of people becoming more time-consumed, even self-consumed and materialistic. "Materialize" - coming into form which you can see. The little things that may matter more like care, kindness, humility, generosity, health and etc. are not really in the list of to-dos. If they are, they are of low priority or pressed too deep into storage. Yep, that's the point. So consumed with what you want to see. In the end when you don't see yourself up there you jump down.

That will be a whole new lot of issues to be written upon which I am not in the course of performing it.

People = you + me + them. This is also based on what I have seen. I tried to set up an outlook so that I could write from that point of view.

Basically it happens with anyone including you and me. Perception. 

My personal advice and serving as a reminder for myself too is that we can always keep our beliefs strong. We can also open up to opinions. Keep composed and accept that there are definitely different points of views. Not to disregard and disrespect. Because what you believe in is based on what you saw. What you are about to listen or see is of a different belief.

This advice is meant to keep ourselves strong and faithful in ourselves wisely. Because I have come across situations in which people just lose hope. Because people do not believe in them. Because people do not see what they want to see in them. Keep steady rather than regressing into self-inflicted disillusionment and being unrealistic.

107. Walk This Road and That, Oh The Other..

Personal

Treat this as like reading 3-4 posts at a time. Like forcing large siewmai and wantan into your mouth at once.

What's up, world? Can't say folks. Much folks folkin' in the work environment which keeps me matured. Can't say old. They were once young hearts whippin' and trippin' down the ages of gold. So no we don't get boring wise men tales. Instead, we get high energy seasoned wise men joyful experiences in form of reminiscence. In years to come we would be doing that, to your kids to your papa and mama. Or right, just your friends or colleagues from all ages. What about it? Whole lotta life experiences.

Pata, Toshi, Yoshiki and Heath of X-Japan

That's the road I am treading on. Just like how my father and I would do (I learn from him) during walks in the gardens or Sunday exercises. He would pick up large twigs, medium-sized branches or dangerous stones and rocks off the common paths of walk. He didn't build a house of rock en' roll. He made the paths safe for himself and others to walk on. So you and your grandmother won't trip on them.

Why did I follow in that? So you and your grandmother won't trip on them while walking that path. Or the little kids that would be trippin' to tell their grandchildren in 6 decades time that they be trippin' on rocks and rolled down the hills because the path was rocky. So is his life.

Simple habit but makes the difference.

Back on this road. That is an exact analogy literally which I am referring to as what I do if this living. I haven't lived to tell all my stories but along the way, like this pit stop; that I pick up experiences from others and myself to live this living. It's my style of balance. Some would do it all by themselves, kudos. Some dependent all the way, not bad.

Scroll down and you see some gloomy posts which summed up a pretty ugly experience. Scroll more or travel along the past years you see colourful forgings of life. My genes.

Let me give you an insight which I am thinking of right now...let's just put it like this, if you're reading my blog and somehow gets to read more in the near future maybe in some regular fashion; that means I am still sane. Sane as to having a regular good feelin' living. Two other extremes mean either I'm over-enjoying life I delete this blog, the other means I am as dead as close to dead mentally or physically. Has happened hahaha.

Great update here. I am no longer employed in Air Asia already yer know? Yes you know. If you don't know you don't give a fudge I don't give a fudge either haha. My tenure as a junior technician there lasted 1 year and 14 days. Unemployed for 3 days. Even moved to a new place already. Tadaa..started anew at somewhere which is not even one year old at that time. But was actually developed from a section of AIROD under NADI. And NADI owns a part of Malindo Air. oops free advertisement. Fresh.

There I am employed as a Technician distinguished from junior techs. So this road I walk leads me to a career which I have conceived as a life filler. Nah..it's not to fill my life. It's a found passion. Still inspired by flying which I have put aside. Future hasn't said no to flying. Good luck to me in this new company. I will grow with it.

I am going reverse chronological a little. Am I? Yes I am with a vortex. So yeah. On Facebook I have posted a photo album of fun and fun-filled experiences which basically summarizes what I have done in the recovery period of a no-no situation and it's a 21-years-old boy wake-up call. I wasn't on the line for storytelling so let pictures give some hints, they will do.  

September 28-29 - Happy Birthday KY - haha he wasn't around and it wasn't a celebration for him - Langkawi (with Jonathan, Ah Hooi and EMC and and Mr. Shaun) . It was a one day getaway to the island and its beautiful beach. Far away from anything cruel and 'life' threatening.

The Eagle

October 5-6 - Danok, Thailand (with Shahrul, Aidil and Hafis - My AirAsia colleague friends) . It was a staff discounted flight ticket to Alor Setar and then hopping onto Aidil's car (it's his hometown) to head to the border town of Sadao. Sawadeeee--kapp.

Nightlife

November 6-9 - Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Vietnam (with Leon Lui and Chia) . An employee coupon-based ticket which is free of charge (but still pays airport taxes) out of Malaysia! It's been 14 years since traveling out of country, which was Japan and Hong Kong. I know we can discuss and talk about travels to no end. So I have to keep it simple. It's Vietnam, one of the Indochinese countries filled with culture and lifestyles that are very much different from the usual.. The city is of course the same but the people are different. Ok..what? Let's just motives are the same but the way of living is different. Beautiful place. Beautiful ladies. hmm..ahem.

Vietnamese coffee, honey, ginger, bee pollen, shell lacquerware, coconut candy and handcrafts

November 18 - Allianz Penang Bridge International Marathon 2012 (with Ah Hooi, Kent, Kacee, Flora, Alan, Wei Wen and the rest of the world) . It's a freak show. It's a leap of faith. It's a non-sensible thing. We asked ourselves before the run, "did we really sign up for this? gosh it's..." full marathon (42.195 km).

OMKneeee

December 2-3 - Ulu Yam Forest Recreational Family Day (with Air Asia colleagues and some of their family members) . It's located at along the way to Genting Highlands. Natural and beautiful. Unperturbed of the busy cities. It's just fun and serenity. Spending great time which made me (more) into missing my workmates. But play is play. Our activities were paintball, BBQ, river swim, water rafting, Flying fox and people-friendship bonding. A midnight activity out of the place too; hot spring bath.woo yeah. And Batu Caves. Thanks to Timothy and Shan for bringing me there. My first time and such a great opportunity to tour with them.

The BBQ hosted by the families of Azrul and Syed Salim

December 14 - Signs out of the office - "Now Everyone Can Fly"
December 17 - Signs in to the new office HUAT AHHH hahahah

And goodbye.

Seems like a time warp and distortion between fantasy and reality. Smile if you agree. Continue breathing if you're bothered. Several months have passed. It's freaking the third month of the year already. I'd say good things have happened. Joy to the world. Joy to myself and people around.

But there's one occurrence I would like to share cryptically. Because it has some meanings. Some meanings which breathed more life into my living. There's this girl I met a few months ago. A friend of friends. Make friends this way is cool actually. You get a hawk's eye view lol.haha.nonsense. And we started talking a lot one time right in between my transition period of switching companies. I reckon we have gotten quite close from time to time. Of many sharing and company. No guessing please. It's not even cryptic it's vague hah.

There's this sort of magic that exist in life that you don't even expect it coming or even possible. Which brings souls coming together or apart. And there's this opportunity to meet her somewhere at the crossroads connecting everywhere to everywhere. I make plans which only work when they fall together. Just like the maps I draw before I set on any journey to new places. So I did it, I met her there. It's a once in a while thing that one would do with no regrets and if it brings joy and smiles, why not. So back to Earth. Life goes on. When she reads and understands this she would laugh heh. This goes for her. She's a girl with a heart the size at least of Earth. She's a great young woman. She's a flower.

After all, it's just an ordinary world, I would follow up on it and see where the river flows where the wind blows where the sun shines at where I would be brought to.





Much more joy for two of my colleagues. Newly weds they are ^^ .

Firdaus and Nurul. Didn't have a good picture of them but it's on Facebook..so I show you door gifts haha.

Flowery

Haris and Nur Afiqah. Can see..nah not going to show them close-up.

Cutting the cake apart but tying the knot : )

That's all folks, of the world, young and old, happy or grumpy. I just made you readers sleepy. Now where the Brainscrew and Ideals themed blog posts have gone? Just so personal of late haha. Of late, I guess I have combined a little of Ideals into Personal it churns out something of something which is using me myself as the subject. Not quite of brainscrew at the moment. Catch up again we will. Tata.

Look...they were this. Rock gila. Salute to Hide (long gone but not forgotten). 

X

[Pictures of X-Japan are googled]

104. Reality

Personal

Nothing is real. No one is. Everyone is just pretentious. Even me myself. And the rest of the whole world. 

You have to hide certain feelings. For good and for bad. Some neutral. 

We don't feel or see the true motives anymore these days. Good or bad, we all have our very own agenda. Our own objectives. 

Unfortunately, I don't have much to post nowadays. No progress in music making. Just simple sound recording using the phone. As I age as I mature I seem to keep more words to myself. More thoughts come to play which come into conflict with to-be spoken words. They leaked out of the brain halfway only to be swallowed through the mouth and throat. Gulp.

More things to take care. More issues to solve. More agenda to accomplish. Less time to spend.

Only natural. Manageable by only those who are strong enough to stand on a pair of legs.

I will just do with what a pair of legs can do.

103. Up and Down the Road of L

Personal

Previous post was written on the 14th of April. Let's just say 10 months ago. Felt like it'd been ages since I log in here to write something. But then again, looking at the date and the number it seems like only 10 months ago. Not even a year ago yet.

But in these 10 months thousands of hair strands have dropped. I think hahah.

Many things have had taken place.

I was only doing an industrial training at MAS. I am employed already as an aircraft technician at AirAsia. Hi Tony.

Several other things have changed. Physically not so. Emotionally a lot.

Feelings come and go. But certain feelings stay. And if you work hard enough and put faith into them they become everlasting. Certain maturity comes into play.

{Digress a little...just like how you support a football club for years or forever aha}

You just never give up. What drives you not to give it up? Maturity, conscience and (at least) an eye for everlasting love in life.

This living is a life in which we're living in. Time is ticking. The time starts moving since we're born into this world on planet Earth. It never stops. We never stop, breathing and living. So we're living it. We're living this time.

It stops ticking the moment our life ends. That's when we stop living.

Whatever we do, they are in this time. Spending time. Filling up the living.


Couldn't find the original song in youtube. So I link to someone's cover on Bob Dylan - I Feel A Change Comin' On

Till then.

100. New Year Review (pig-o-1-1)

Ideals/Personal

There goes.

People grow old and older. Most friends of mine of who are of my age are hitting 21 this year. I just hit 2o years old 4 months ago anyway.

When you were young, you just grow and learn. Whatever happened seemed to be like yesterday's wrongdoings and lessons learnt. When you have matured whatever happened seemed like regrets and "I wish I could turn back time" scenarios. But whatever happens it's only for this life.

I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I reckon, most people if not every body feels similarly the way I thought I feel. We keep learning and we keep updating (according to our environment or adapting to worldly living trend) how we feel and that's how people change and grow more mature or to understand living towards betterment.

Life is an overrated word. Really.

It's a battle of HP and MP with a limit break. You hit when it's your turn.

If you're expecting me to review on my life events and activities like I used to then you are slightly not accurately correct. I have too much to write about myself for a self-obsessed ordinary lad. So I'm dedicating this review as a review of my blog. Should I include the exclamation mark? Like, "I'm dedicating this review to my blog!". Then ^.^ then XP and ;D

Life was good. "And it will always be good" till it ends one fine day. For those living in fear under a collapsed roof, hiding from militants, suffering from suicide bombers, starving without food for your baby, oppressed by your drunk father... I express my sympathy. If there only exist Superman or Batman superheroes alike and many of them in "clones" everybody can say "life IS good".

So, plainly as I am and was I was a carefree young teenager who worked 26 days just to feel a little better as a person who wants to work hard and earn money for himself. He joins his two close friends to Botanical Gardens there almost everyday for fun and fitness. In April, there was this Hikathon in Penang hills and also the establishing of this blog.

He likes to dream and he always do. Critical acclaim for daydreaming - No-ball Lifetime award. So he named the url with the statement "you-are-in-my-dream". It's definitely a statement. Anyways, it applies to almost everyone because somewhat I dream at some point of everyone whom I met or knew some point. Ah of course if that's that simple I can even name it I-like-your-body like wouh, beautiful ladies and sexy. But no. Understood. At least for my crushes/infatuations who walked in reality.

So as expected from me in the earlier days circa 2005 - 2009 I sound gloomy and dark in most of writings. I didn't have to post how sad I was or how angry I was with anything. I just have all the time in the world to write about the world from the sightglass of my eyes and the unfiltered audio line-in of my ears. Then I don't use my mouth to express so much. Unbrushed contaminants might spoil communication. So I write (read: type).

It's easy, I have compiled before to the sidebar of this blog. It's categorized under Philociples. And those Brain-screws are my favourite posts. They make no sense at all if I don't talk to you before about whatsoever keywords contained there. Even sometimes when I reread it it doesn't make any sense anymore. Changes.

The lowest selection is a collection of an old blog. Yes blogging from me started way back in 2004/2005. But it was dull. Thinking back my life back in those years were really dull. I find no interest in recollecting them or to treasure anything. Bad.

After that was an onset of silent emotional setbacks. It goes like this..my physical puberty was at about the age of 12 and then mentally at about 16. oops.

Flashforward please.

2008
So yeah, when I started this (dot)blogspot writing it was mostly activities filled posts. Positive negative it depended. I'm recommending this read BOOBy Trap.

I checked back. I had some internal mental/emotional torture back then expressed in words. Haha glad those days were over - told you, the puberty of mental was late. Yer can see no sadness in me cos I'm really never sad. Common term is insane. I might be done with Schizophrenia. Maybe not the more I think of it I might as well become one with it.

And then the start of tertiary education for most of us. So as some weird random posts. It feels funny when I browse through my old posts. I write stuffs which are really crazy as in get-f-off crazy. Not funny crazy or crazy crazy. I think this review is not going anywhere other than drifting into analysing how stupid crazy I sounded like.

This is for my love for earthly revolution Pangea and Global Peace.

And I think I write most of my best brain-screw "theses" around that time. With derivations from movies such as Dark Knight, James Bond and Watchmen later.

99 posts are a lot to look through. I'm lost in my own review.

2009 and 2010
I admit mostly were activities. Because activities make blogs active. Because lately I don't have much to ramble on openly. The length to scroll for the list of year 2008 posts is like almost 1 foot. Year 2009 about 6inches plus. Year 2010 no need to scroll at all. That explains.

Blogging is like sports and bodybuilding. It's motivation-based. If you happen to have no one at all to read then I think it's really useless to write. But it's a modern world. We use blog as like some kind diary yeah journal. So if no one reads, who actually cares. Unless you're earning as a blogger you need traffic. As for me, close friends and random visitors do read/check/take a look from time to time so I'm glad I'm not alone. God is watching. I should add XD 0.0 :S

I think the year 2009 passed quite fast. I mean it's year 2011 already and I still talking about 2 years ago. A bit vague.

Well, in 2009 I have already moved in to a rented house so there goes. Additional freedom to transport, food and et cetera infrastructure that is available. So I settled down. In the sense of activities. Cos you know you're going to be staying here longer than it was in hostel. I started doing some music stuffs.

Not exactly making music but yeah doing something with music. I record a little and mix a little. And experiment with certain songs. Filefactory used to host a media player - widget which I regularly uploaded songs into it. And then I did uploaded some of my mixing record work. It takes patience and the want to make the records sound clear and nice (smooth). And also for me, the basic ability to track the parts for editting..and..and..and..motivation to work further on them.

As you can see there's one file in the filefactory but downloading it is not possible according to friends who tried. That's just an improvisation of guitar lead over a drum track. These are the likes of posts which I get very technical only existent after year 2009: Snakey demo - Sound Techie and many more others ..some about my guitar etc fun.

I find that the posts in year 2010 were mostly random and out of the blue. If I watched football and felt like talk about it then you get football post. Or music.

A LOT on sports and fitness towards the end. Ended nicely with my marathon result.

My preview for the future.
1. fitness records and reviews
2. music recordings and mixes
3. issues regarding earth and the government of gods
4. feelings

Feelings, the last thing I would want to talk about. And you don't do that often do you. Ain't so emotional in open. I may as well cry to myself or to mummy.

Because we have Facebook. It's more updating and it refreshes instantly. In a minute you're sad then the next you're happy after receiving a hug from a friend or your mama just called saying "don't worry". In blog case, you ain't wana spam your blog up to 1000 posts just for a collection "XD" "T.T" ";D" or "oOo" duno. this is still cooler \m/ it's even more cool in Yahoo! Chat. Ask Jon or Hooi. Signatory of "rock kapakkk" when the emoticon shouts.

I don't expect this long actually. It somehow has to be this long. It's natural.

So. The flowchart or graph will show a trend of increasing happiness through out my blog posts. And then stagnant and steady. That's a good sign. Maybe when I break up with a gf or divorce in the further future I might write a sad post like "I'm the bitch".

So long so forth I wish you Happy New Year and happy new day for everyday you live you first wake up and realise that you're still breathing. That's more significant. So you won't regret the day the moment you lost something. You won't want to say I want to turn back time or I hate my life. I can hate my height (lol) but I don't because I am happy for what I am, have become and can change.

Coming up next: New Year Fitness Report/Record, Symphony of Destruction and many more.

.

The title of this post is a "if you know the poetic value term", it's meant for hokkien speaking people to translate that one word then he/she will know whatever I meant to put it as. I mean the 'pig' word only.

Bless you.

Pearl Jam - Even Flow

Gladly listened in B fm 89.9 and identified through wsas91a.com radio.


[FFVII battle screenshot given by my brother.]

94. Tribute

Ideals

Just a tribute.

Thanks to Hooi for referring me to this song.

And it so happens that these comments touch my soul. Knowing that this song is quite somewhat dedicated to some kind of desperado in which I felt some similarity with in myself. Just like what parents or old wise grandparents would say to their children.

And the last comment below amazingly fit what I felt. heh. Anyways, thank you all. I'm still alive.

musemorris
~YOU MUST be kidding? You guys must be the REAL Eagles?! FANTASTIC! Dedicated to our beloved son Jarrod Ryan ~ June 10, 1987 ~ April 4th, 1991!


KumarsDad
~What a beautiful song! I dedicate it to my son Jared. Your Mom and I really miss you.Gone but never forgotten.RIP 10/18/1990-04/08/2009

mlee86a
~This song is for the late Jennifer Vincent who dearly loved the Eagles and especially this song.  I will always remember her with this wonderful song.

bubbles9084
~omg i really needed to hear this :') my brother was 23 when he died in a car accident this was his absolute favorite song and his birthday is october 16th and he pasted on october 20th i really love this song and it helps me get true the day :) thank you :')

TheGrimRomance
~its amazing how this song fits me. x)) *2 thumbs up!*

89. Feel Good

Ideals/Personal

Woohoo. 2 years have passed and I reach 89 posts. Some I would say would have changed blog sites in 2 years at this rate. Nahh I'm too lazy to change a site. Not for any promotional purpose. Even for motivational reason I'm just too lazy. It doesn't matter.

I have to preach on this. On behalf of Stressm but not a Stressm post.

Feeling good is important in life.

It's natural. We keep striving to feel good. After feeling good you will feel bad and you will want to feel good again. That's what keep life moving. It's not wrong or bad when complacency strikes. Life is a constant cycle of events and they just ricochet away if it's not right.

But let's not leap into idleness.

(I want to admit that the Napoleon's newsletter and Thought of the Day are the few resources of lessons in life I learn from.)


Let's just take life as life. I don't mind or care if God intervenes or involves himself. I'm putting our human life as natural as a separate entity on Earth.

Look at humans. So much advancement since the cave dwellings. We are building bombs now.

Well, it's just us. We learn and suffer and at times we succeed. This is just the norm. Why can't we just live it. Yeah add spices here and all over to make all of us feel good. My point here is, "don't worry, be happy".

I understand that I might just drop dead the very next moment after finishing off this sentence. Then I didn't so I cherish. Until I'm struck then I will complain and cry in pain and vain. That's just life isn't it. No one prepares us to cope with all emotional situations.

The people in the war. The people in poverty. The people in the riches. The people affected by Earth's catastrophes. I appreciate all of them and I feel their existence. I just don't have any better media to convey it. I only have the thought in my mind. Well, cos I never go through their experiences.

I may sound hypocritical but then I'm just an average young man who likes to express and then sit back and relax. Unless there is a sudden emergency which I have to pack my valuable belongings and enter the mercenary.

So my point "Don't worry, be happy" strikes again. You have what you have now. You get what you want later. You enjoy what you have. You work for what you want. It all comes to an end. Accomplishing life. Be it, dissipate into thin air or join the Earth and soil after death we will identify it then.

But no one has ever come back to tell us about it. In my opinion, that is actually the best thing to do after death. Don't get attached with what we've left. I wonder what will happen if really someone comes back and tells us the story of afterlife. Curiosity kills the cat.

But I have an ambition of visiting life again after death. I would like to see what people do with my legacy. Or if there's anyone playing some sad solo over my coffin. Maybe my body will just be buried somewhere 6-feet-under that would be your great-grandchild's backyard garden.

And by luck I found this quote over the websites.

"Enthusiasm with error is more acceptable than indifference with perfection." — J. Dinneen

How would you define it?

For me, it comes to me in many aspects. It deals with some attitude some people have. It deals with passion. It deals with life.

Of course having said that I mean that I had some experiences with what I've come across. Especially through teenage, studies and upcoming career life. We will all encounter these and managed somehow to survive.

It's just life. You wana feel good, you do it your way. And make sure you do not mess with others. Breach of principles and selfishness are what get into someone's goodwill. er..hmm..I mean someone who tries to be nice when provoked will become not nice. It gets into his nerves and induces discomfort.

But then again, it's one's choice to be angered or emotionally affected. I am not going write any more here as I am touching the topic of "choice".

I think my long-windedness only means "I want to feel good". That should be one of everybody's goal everyday to be achieved. You don't want to go to bed every night or day(night-shift) with the thinking "I screwed" unless you just had sex.

Applying some Buddhism and teachings on life and death, that's not wholesome. We all want to die peacefull and wholesomely. Good karma. Have a nice day, humans.

85. Gun, for Fun

Personal/Ideals

[Picture from googling]

[of my closet, Home kit coming soon]

Keep The Faith

Guns N' Roses - Two revolvers pointing at each other with rose flowers coiled around

What is the significance?

Rock and roll.

For fun purpose, I brought up a some random defining thinking. @#$%^ Figure out what made the rockers and rollers think of the name which consists of guns and roses. oh right, I read before that it was the name of the members of L.A. Guns and Hollywood Rose namely, Tracii Guns and Axl Rose (almighty).

Think again, it's somewhat a great match. The logo is very beautiful. The colour of the gun and the red of rose also show some contrasted perception. A rose, so beautiful and static. The gun so powerful and dynamic, it can shoot. A peaceful idea in contrast to the violence-ridden invention respectively.

But they share something in common. Nothing "nice" lasts forever.

The rose portrayed some peace but it also has its thorns in which it symbolizes "war->engage" button. And so the gun is also used in wars. However it has 2 functions; pull the trigger to start the war/end the peace or to end the war/start the peace.

..Even though the metal of the gun lasts quite some time heh..

Anyway, gun can be seen as the hard and rose the soft elements of Guns N' Roses.

Pore over the words from the song Civil War.
"
Look at your young men fighting
Look at your women crying
Look at your young men dying
The way they've always done before

Look at the hate we're breeding
Look at the fear we're feeding
Look at the lives we're leading
The way we've always done before

My hands are tied
The billions shift from side to side
And the wars go on with brainwashed pride
For the love of God and our human rights
And all these things are swept aside
By bloody hands time can't deny
And are washed away by your genocide
And history hides the lies of our civil wars

D'you wear a black armband
When they shot the man
Who said "Peace could last forever"
And in my first memories
They shot Kennedy
I went numb when I learned to see
So I never fell for Vietnam
We got the wall of D.C. to remind us all
That you can't trust freedom
When it's not in your hands
When everybody's fightin'
For their promised land

And
I don't need your civil war
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
I don't need your civil war

Look at the shoes your filling
Look at the blood we're spilling
Look at the world we're killing
The way we've always done before
Look in the doubt we've wallowed
Look at the leaders we've followed
Look at the lies we've swallowed
And I don't want to hear no more

My hands are tied
For all I've seen has changed my mind
But still the wars go on as the years go by
With no love of God or human rights
'Cause all these dreams are swept aside
By bloody hands of the hypnotized
Who carry the cross of homicide
And history bears the scars of our civil wars

~We practice selective annihilation of mayors
And government officials
For example to create a vacuum
Then we fill that vacuum
As popular war advances
Peace is closer~

I don't need your civil war
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
And I don't need your civil war
I don't need your civil war
I don't need your civil war
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
I don't need your civil war
I don't need one more war

I don't need one more war
Whaz so civil 'bout war anyway
"

That is just as civil as our country. Sorry-asses.. no comments

I've highlighted on this song before 5 years ago in my friendster blog haha if you could find it.

Whatever it is, just carry on with life.

"The show must go on"~Queen

[No guns on this one, another one has]

84. Not New

Personal

Nothing much, for now. Let's just let it be.
syiok sendiri sajalah kalau tiada pembaca haha

It's a nice number anyway. 2010. Two zero one zero. Twenty-ten. Two thousand ten. Dua ribu sepuluh.

The new year countdown and activity was done away from home again. No not outside Penang or where I study. The party has dwindled down to 3 persons only namely Wheen, Hooi and I myself. It's the 3rd friendly New Year gathering.

Safely saying, we're at Queensbay all 3 times before the great overnight. All 3 nights with fireworks banging the sky. All 3 nights witnessing infestation ball-loose lala music on-stage. Bear with them we just want to spectate the firework display. Not so spectacular and big this time for the year 2010.

"wahh hao piao liang de" - "wuuahhhhhh" - "hepi niu yerrrrr"

For the year 2011, if I am at back at Penang I am going to spend it with my family. Or take them out to somewhere kia kia.. And I would like to be maybe at G-Spot..for some new year countdown gig I suppose. Anywhere to chill out and listen to good r e a l music.
My wombats usher you. To a great and a bang bang new year. Captured by my brother. resized by me.

An awkward melancholic moment at Manhattan Fish Market. Our super filling final meal of the year 2009. We were eating the ice-cream and the ambience then was not quite noisy anymore. The radio player is playing Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me. ...the feeling of being lonely suddenly rose. We're all single. So rap it...

We had some nice blues-jamming. Just natural and good sharing of lead and rhythm.

So for some more visuals and fun scrolling through...

The end of 2009 and the commencement of 2010. [Port Dickson Nov '09 + January '10]

Salvaged speaker system of my grandpa's. Served me a while before I handed it back to my brother for further salvation as I leave home.

End.

Clear enough? That's my pyjamas anyway since toddler age. It's size XS to me now. Show muscles and.. can belly dance..erh.

so yeah...

83. Search in Silence

Personal

Depeche Mode says it, Enjoy the Silence.

Simon & Garfunkel explains in the Sound of Silence.

Anyways, they are repeated quotes.

So there goes my last day and nights for Penang. Where I was at home. So many times I find myself doing nothing. As in nothing beneficial and just wasting time at least to my own senses. Like putting off agendas and rather than accomplishing them I just procrastinate.
And I always forget about giving myself a rest. ahha.. finally, after badminton on Tuesday I decided to give up on any fun activities. My mood's totally screwed. My heart sank. My muscles crying for some stationary comfortable oxygenated air. So, I contacted my brathers and a seester to announce my ppk-ing.

I went for silence after that.
Yer can say, I look moody. More like sleepy actually. My aim for my last day was to rest as "effectively"... Went out with my brother. Drop mum. Breakfast. Lorong Kulit. In between them were sleeps. And then treated myself with scrumptious, succulent, luscious, waliaueh blablabla KFC Zinger Tower X-Meal. Makan puas-puas dan kuat-kuat. Played a few missions of Ace Combat Zero. Did amazing dogfighting manoeuvres. Easy mode...so enemies are quite easily shot down.

At night after dinner was the consequence of last minute packing...it's normal. So the effective rest taken was put to energize myself to stand till pass midnight. Damn myself again...for having so much to pack and bring down to my rented house...especially moving new items. Still not all I have a household shopping list when I reach the jungle-forsaken-abode.

*

So there. I think I have typed too much to express my silence.

There's actually a lot of tension and pressure in myself when I stayed quiet. Lots of things running through my head. Trying to clear up my thoughts which bring me down. Thinking. Resolving. Searching.

And to Hooi, YW, Jonathan, KY and Jon thank you all for the company and fun activities together. To the others whom I met along the way and the invitations to join more fun activities, "merci beau coup".

Sepang says, "welcome back student".
Nilai says, "welcome back sucker".
I say, "cb-iah"/"cb-llar"-ala-TheHooiMAN

Song for a quiet company: Joe Satriani - Searching

80 Stairway to Heaven Denied

Personal/Ideals

~inspired by a column in my magazine with the title, "stairway denied" dedicated to Mr. Layne Staley.

This great dead man was introduced to me by The Man. He found a song which is sang by the man in Terminator 3. That part specifically is when the engine was started by Marcus the radio plays a song and he said, "..a song my brother used to listen".

He sang about the man in the box. He denied and was denied. And then he became the man in the box.

So, right. I was denied a few things. Not a big deal. Just that timing is not right.

Penang Bridge Run - 22 November - Sunday - I couldn't manipulate what the lecturers want on the following Monday....I don't want to fail and retake my subject in the next year.

Hikathon - 18 October - Sunday - ditto...same case with the freaking monday

[The tool to defy the skies. Who is there to deny your wings...]

WACK NUTS! ..you decide which meaning you would like to base on.

Yer see, not everything will come the way you want or like it.

It's alright. there's countless of things coming and going. The ones which don't are countables. Meaning, it's just so few to be compared to the good things in our life that prevail.

Unless if you're dead unlucky, yours are countless instead. I express for my empathy.

But if you do not believe in luck. Then work harder or smarter. Work your own way up.

Don't fret, everyone's through it. Just the different way and method of resolving. And the finale. For example, one dies when God loves him more so he's taken back to heaven. Some dies because Satan loves him more. Some just got into deep shit. Certain ones, they defy and deny...yet to occur.

Well, I will have a lyrics to accompany this time. Enjoy. the music video of this song has been posted before last year haha.

Ozzy Osbourne - Gets Me Through

I'm not the kind of person you think I am
I'm not the anti-christ or the iron man
I have a vision that I just can't control
I feel I've lost my spirit and sold my soul
Got no control

I try to entertain you the best I can
I wish I'd started walking before I ran
But I still love the feeling I get from you
I hope you'll never stop cause it gets me through yeah
It gets me through yeah

The feelings that I hide behind
Sometimes reality's unkind
The nightmares stalk for me at night
I dread the long and lonely nights

I'm not the kind of person you think I am
I'm not the anti-christ or the iron man
But I still love the feeling I get from you
I hope you'll never stop cause it gets me through yeah

I'm just trying to live yeah.

[Stairway to Heaven is also a songtitle by Led Zeppelin]