47. The Holiday Joy Ultimatum

Friends & Family

First of all, Merry Christmas. It's the dawn of 25th of December. Hooi, ur disappointing...sleeping wth you should be granting people happiness and be worshipped, the Jeesus.

To obliterate the murky and gloomy past...cover up with joyous moments spent together with friends and family. Back in hometown. The island. The great floating land linked by a sophisticated stand-firm bridge...longest in South East Asia right?

hang on...the writer's brain block slowly dissipating...boo. Boom.

Alright it has been almost 3 weeks since I came back from my campus. And the last written post was a tribute to Hide. The previous was just an informative post.

As you know, I've been granted an electric guitar already. ahha got photos already..

And I've done lots of activities since then. The ranked top as the most frequently done activity is(besides food) CC. Malei... It's a tour of death la.. Getting such freaky affinity for DOTA. Not just because it's a great game(interesting) but I keep playing it to learn more and more and improve and most of the time, to no avail. I'm a holy shit owning noob. Dun challenge me. Boring.

Here's a short video of my game back in my hostel room to kill time. It was a Naruto TD. Background music was actually my laptop speaker blaring, Slipknot - Gematria(The Killing Name).

Alright, so let's go. I will go through very briefly what I've done and been doing.
-Tried the guitar in different positions and styles. Getting comfortable with it. hah.

-....wait, I can't really remember anymore what I did. Let's see..there's Jason. Oh yes. I have been catching up with this long time bruddy(Jbrother+buddy) this holidays. Only that he left for KL so soon. Haven't swam with him. So I brought him out to hiking. First was the wednesday with Hooi. And then a food recommendation tour to the Argyll Road Roti Canai(RC) stall. I had earlier mentioned it as my childhood favourite RC place.

-Roti racist-roti masin-roti mini-roti dahaga-

But...it was a bad day. What a bad impression to Jason. It's so farking bad that day! So small in size and yet it tastes like eating solid sea water, figuratively...totally like salt accidentally spilt into the preparation. The worse is the fact that only our table(chinese boys) receive such small pieces of RC and they taste horrible. So we started thinking of racism. Fark. I almost vomited...like forcing 100% sodium chloride ingestion. I complained to the manager and cook. They started explaining...bla bla..ok la give chance la since I still love this place.

-did some Botanical Gardens jogging and exercising too with him and Hooi.

-Ye-Wheen came back too . Then we did our first G3 extravagance overnight. With guest performance by Jonathan. haha. It was rather a tiring night...with a late binge and booze. Heck, YW added Carlsberg into the noodle..ramen I think..kimchi-esque..ok la. Get high. The PS3 games of the night were Soul Calibur 4 (or 5??) and The Siren. The Siren is a farkup thriller horrifying game. I call it like that. Similar to the likes of Silent Hill where you brace the darkness and fear in a dead place. It's a great game, with each of us taking turns to complete the objectives. Super fun plus agitation plus fear plus 4am ambience.

-hmm..what else? oh yeah, swimming. First blood. With Jonathan and YW. Fun. But certainly cold with the morning wind chills at my apartment outdoor pool. Followed by a very satisfying wallet-blowing-jacking billed lunch. At El Mondo's. RM112 for 3 persons. wooh. 3 pizzas with drinks and service charge with government tax.

-hmmm...then? CC lo.. Eating out lo.. Garena at home lo... Basically these make up the life during this holidays.

-Should be nothing so significant anymore..so it's Jonathan's party occasion. His conceived plan of organizing a BBQ party. Exclusively for close friends and especially his loved one who came down to visit Penang. So we had fun doing disco while cooking daging(Zohan quote). Good chicken, beef, balls, sausages, corn and bellpeppers from Mr. Ng Khang Yang. The ending, the forced-to-finish-it-up cooking was ended abruptly by the tiny droplets of drizzling. CC was the destination after that. Until 1am.

Aeroplanes in the sky, landing. Big loo...wuahh...

-ok coming near to today already. woohoo..speed reading or whatever...I know not enough alluring visual-enhancing photos here.

-After the BBQ and CC, a few hours later..as in 11am the next morning, we went hiking till number 3 of Youth Park. woooh...rock climbing and rope climbing were the amusement. And there I had my scratch on my leg. I FARKING SLIPPED OFF THE small CLIFF. Funny the way i slided down. Even YW's handphone flung out of his pocket without him knowing. "kenot break one". And then lunch at Batu Lanchang market. And then CC. Serious..the same venue.

-Dinner with family at...El Mondo's. haha. Here a picture. Folded pizza..

-Swimming, this time with YW and Khang Yang. Same thing..bone chilling winds. This time the amusement was delving into deep depth of the pool to touch the bottom. YW even got his head touched to the bottom. I failed. But I managed, to crawl underwater..wooohoo..sounds fun huh.

...ooh it's bright already... 7.30am and I'ven't sleep yet.

-The Monday, 22nd. Went for dental. Given the plan of removing my braces in February. YEAH! Then to Hooi's house to kill time. Next fetch YW and Raymond. MEE SOTONG. Compulsory holiday outing and get-together lunch. With Joel. And yeah, meeting up with the arch-mouth-debating-rivals Daniel and Andrew. Proceeded to PENANG BOWL for bowling. Jonathan tagged along. Joined the organizer people, Eric, Seow, Razeen, Danial and Reshvinder(a pal who parted since 2006 for Australia).

- 23rd. Home Garena as usual..to kill time. Then the night, rockers' trip to PESSOC performance of Beethoven's 9th Symphony at Dewan Sri Pinang. Woohoo..Ode To Joy. Then meet up with Adelyn the violinist haaha after the show. Like so many bunches of PFS mates around especially the Chorus people.. Hooi wearing a T-shirt inside with the phrase, "If it ain't Rock, it ain't music", ahaha such irony. Luckily no bash up by the Jascha Shimano the Yngwie Malmsteen-huge-Conductor of the orchestra. Penang CM Mr. Lim was supposed to be there but according to my mum, he only made it to the Sushi Kin dining with the horde of Dato's and Datin's. Elite arrogant rich manifests...

---->It was a Tuesday. And it rained before and after the night. Hell yeah. Actually I was invited by Cheng Yee to Wei Loon's homecoming party. Fux..couldn't make it. Sorry dudes..

- and then....?? Nothing else. I slept the whole day as a matter of hangover...lousy driver's remorse. Then Garena gaming till like what??few hours ago. And then the writing of this post. Very meaningful life I got here.

Ok..one more picture(urh..a little dark.forgot to edit a bit). To show you my guitar, the most recent look. The Rose.

Oh yeah! One more thing. Just yesterday I had a dream. And this guy, my class monitor appeared and did something. I forgot what. I was thinking why the heck I dreamt of him. Fark. Hours later, I received a voice mail while my phone was switched off from him. A distress call regarding our practical assignment. Fark. I am the Dream sucker.

So, next big thing..hmm..

-Kerachut Hike & Beach Leisure. Who wanna go, tag along and say YES to me. Not confirmed when.

-USM Jazz performance. Hooi is in! GO GO GO! But tickets are selling like hot sex.
-2nd G3 extravagance at YW's. Live footage recording
-hmmm....around 15 days left to go back to MIAT

ok time to sleep. Enjoy your life. Merry Christmas to those who are celebrating. I'm not. I only receive presents. But my number of presents dwindled down like from having (similar example) 20 boxes to now receiving like maybe 5 or less or close to nil. Aging. Also, have a happy new year. 2009. Should be a nice year for ..duno..anything joyous. Rock on.

Next posts should touch more photos..especially my guitar and particularly my activity captures.

37. Melaka Blitz + Booze Entropy 2

Personal/Friends & Family

oooh..Butterfly award awarded by Cheng Yee...the instructions there I ain't gona follow. My appreciation..sob sob thank you thank you..ahhahaahahha

So...for the Deepavali holiday weekend my friends and I had planned for a holiday plan. It was initially a Genting trip..bus fare only Rm7.80 from Kajang. But then we have a friend who is a prince of Melaka who suggested we go make a visit to the historical state of Malaysia that is Melaka.

We departed in the evening of last friday and reached there within one hour, there's only the border. A few more 10 minutes to reach the cities and first stop was a dinner spot with the friend's family. A treat. Nice food. Then we begun on a night excursion around the city and so we hopped onto the Sungai Melaka River Cruise. A 40 minutes cruising to see the famous spots of Melaka, a night scene of course.

After that, it's 12am already. Our friend took us around to check out the famous bars/clubs/pubs there. Cool eh..Good eh...chicks eh...There is one called Pure Bar. They are organizing a Halloween party. Anyone who come with make-up/costume gets free entrance. Another one just across the road is The Office, I had an inner attraction to it somehow...and then we strolled along the jetty entertainment centre. I could see the Eye of Malaysia already erected there. Balik rumah(friend's grandma house) buat si-eh then tidur...sucker Jonathan pwned the bed..leaving us blanketless and spaceless..my ass got banged basically until I gave up to change to another room without air-cond to rest in peace, literally. That was already 6am.

It's Saturday, whole lotta new places awaited my visit. It was my first time to visit Melaka. Even my family hasn't came. So, let these sets of photos tell the story. It started with a Chicken Rice-ball breakfast. I had 7 or 8 balls. Absolutely tasty. No pictures.

^This picture came through into life..all the while it was only found in the Sejarah Textbooks.

^This is the statue of Admiral Zheng He.

^This place too became a reality.

^A distant view of Eye Of Malaysia...or is it Eye on Malaysia?? hmm..

^The Beast & the Harlot in the City of Evil...note in the writings, the occupation of the deceased as a "merchant" and "captain" ahhah

^I think this is St. Paul.

^Japanese high school students...A LOT. I'm telling you, (fux the max!) I'm excited to see them(girls). But I had an experience there which then I identified them as Jipunas..I ain't writing it here. Ladies, don't bother to be curious I wouldn't want to let you people know. hahahaha

We had lunch at one of the very famous shop which serves Baba Nyonya delicacies from cendol to nasi lemak. We all had nasi lemak, laksa and cendol. All santan-based recipe. Total stomach euphoria. Of course I did buy gifts for people back at Penang. We went on to Makhota Parade shopping mall. Great place..cool. Balik rumah mandi pergi makan malam dengan ayah dan adik si kawan. It's something like bak kut teh..but no it's not, with pork meat and small intestines..in hokkien, hoon cheong. And then we walked on to the roads there which are named Jonker Walk, Taufu Walk..etc(i think so)..similar to Petaling Street night market. After that...

Clubbing. At The Office. Pure Bar was too crowded and packed. #$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&^%$#$%^& fux &^%$%^&*()*&^%$#$%^& I love the place. It's not usual like dance party clubbing, it's more of a leisure slow-burn clubbing but there are still people who were high and dancing. The waitresses all are dressed in office outfits...sexy. The chicks there...hot and cold. And I'm all hyped up, as I was served by 3 ladies. The music is LOUD so we have to talk(or shout) to the ears..that's the fux, communicating with them ear-to-ear so near(I can feel the ear and the lips..). AH, I can't forget that, man...my first club. 1 bucket of Tuborg. Muahah my friend said he's not bringing me along anymore next time because all the ladies approached only me muahah I'm telling you, I love it.

^So dark..

Oh ya there's prostitutes too luring rich men there...and one successfully caught one. My friend knows how to identify them..body language. Hot and slutty. Lepas tu balik rumah buat si-eh lagi tidur...

The next day, in fact before the next dawn at 5am. The stomach melancholy begun. Terrible stomach ache and food poisoning. The worst/best in my life to date. Toilet was my company of the day. oh the bed too. Porridge and Buns became the meals. Sigh, what's with me with new holiday places. Always. Enough, I don't want to remember the pain here...

Back to campus the next day because other friends were in pain too.
@$$#$%^&*

Melaka is great. Penang and Melaka the two "tak berkutu" states. Even Penang State CM came from Melaka. Fux

Homework homework assignment assignment sports workout rest...

Oh ya.. I got an old album of Lost Prophets - Start Something from there, one that I couldn't find in most shops.

{Advice...Clubbing destroys the heart. The music destroys the ear drums. Drinking destroys the liver. Smoking destroys the lungs. Unprotected ONS destroys the body. Excesses lead to a slow and young demise. Don't go over the line...for leisure once a while it's ok but be conscientious. I'm telling this to myself...but it's a live fast, die young hedonistic cult..huh}

[All the photos were taken by my handphone and some of them have been downsized, the proper size of the photo uploaded is under the link]

36. 18 Years of Joy, Indulgence & Macabre + Booze Entropy +

Personal

..rock @$$ for some crazy mojo updates..

License to Mature. Expiry of juvenile.

Embryo - 1991 : Oblivion
1992 - 1994 : Boredom
1995 - 1996 : Discovery to Earthlings
1997 - 1998 : Primary education starts + Character building
1999 : Chick Radar develops + Blooming of feelings
2000 : Y2K = Nothing
2001 : Rock and distortion was injected into my blood [Happy Linkin Park, LimpBizkit, Korn, Marilyn Manson and Slipknot introduction.
2002 : The year my life switched on + Fractured fore-arm
2003 : Secondary education starts + Libido increases + Danced(weird..the only one year of sea scouting, I still honour[salutes] 8th Georgetown(S) Sea Scouts)
2004 : Dark Age(because I didn't study well) + Blues & Classical Music Cult Evolution + Modern Day Metal Preaching (Remember well, YW and Hooi)
2005 : Complacency strikes back + Chick Radar upgraded to Chick Net(means 2 things;catching and internet)
2006 : Work Overdose Era begins + Late night sleeping + Overflow of feelings
2007 : Serious Work ignites + Chair meetings =.= (I don't like making speeches with everyone else being quiet and intense with a presence of a teacher;inferiority complex) + Emotions run wild (feelings level up)

2008 - Present Day : A world full of fun and fuxness + Music experience takes a great leap + Overflow of action and bewilderment + The year tears and joy took over + Turning point of Life

I've thought and cared too much. There's so much to life that I've yet to experience.

For this age, I delightfully modify my chick-device to Chick Radar enhanced with auto-target, more like Bluetooth wireless with profile auto-connect; after M.I.A issues and Seize The Day attempts[Avenged Sevenfold inspirations].

Wishlist:
1. Music rhythm, coordination and speed muscle...and patience
2. Squier Telecaster + Marshall RM380/Roland Micro RM430 (this has been a 5 years wait and it has undergone countless decrease of hope and price) [Dad..I couldn't ask for less already, I only owned by own bicycle(and an unwillingly dreadful classical guitar)...brother's laptop, handphone, playstation(s);time for my own electric experience! Mum, sorry I sms-ed so/too much.] T.T
3. Time management skill
4. New girl friends ~hahahaaah hopefully some neighbours/apartment-mates.
5. More time to spend with friends back at Penang. It's been losing so much abruptly. Life is definitely in its radiant eclipse at the moment..slow burn.
6. A healthy lifestyle(minimum level) and of course good health and safety
7. Make sure my family and friends back home are happy, safe and healthy.
8. Make sure my foes forget me.
9. Make sure girls don't miss the chance to look at me =.=
10. Make sure I don't miss the chance to look at girls(not the one at my campus) due to shorsightedness/non-observant-ness
11. Ok..final, I wish to make people happy and happy...

They are in no way of any priority order.

18 years of kick-ass life. Dedication of some new songs to myself and the people back in Penang(in the filefactory) hehe and my first time celebrating not at home without my family.

[song title word usage from Avenged Sevenfold - Radiant Eclipse and Atreyu - Slow Burn]

After this, it's City of Evil and then the Bat Country!YEAAARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

{I'm heavily listening to Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu and Bullet For My Valentine, need more BFMV though hah but yeah, Hooi I'm starting to going through the songs you gave me many months ago}

It's the blues re-evolution time. Get ready.

(Tiger Beer time...)


-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

A week ago, I arranged a dinner meet-up with Mou Jian, who is studying in INTI Nilai. That was the second time we meet. This time, a planned drinking meeting. We brought the vodka bought earlier by a friend/course-mate from Labuan(tax-free:whole lotta cheaper fux).

And so after our meal, we do the boozing. Left maybe around one quarter of the bottle. Let MJ try the wickedness of ultra pure vodka, which tasted like Scotch. The mix of the night was 7-Up. And then 3 persons got their face red. Me, being the "khekhiang"("berlagak") attempted a pure one-go bottoms up drink. It totally burnt my whole airway and the whole torso. Vision lagging occured minutes later to everyone. Haha, a mild one this time..unlike the first time 2 weeks ago which was followed by heavy head and dizziness. MJ enjoyed =D

Hostel room activity followed up. Card game and C&C Zero Hour LAN, 4vs4com. TOtal Body Annilihation. Brain wreckage also...of not studying at all. :s Nevermind. Body relaxation comes first..hehe

hmm..lyrics-writing have been coming back to me,after a two-years hiatus.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

On Saturday, I met up with Jason Teo who is studying in UTM for a Diploma in Aeronautics. My J-brother who is going to be in the aviation industry too. aha, I will have a post on this friendship thing.

Oh back to that, we and my friends from my study place actually blazed 6 shopping centres in one day. I think, it's more owning than women. First place being Berjaya Times Square. Then some gadget shopping at Lowyat. Lunch at Sungai Wang. A walk in Lot 10 and then a visit to Pavillion. Finally, bowling at midvalley. Spectated an underage(maybe around 12 years old) group of girls partying. Hot. I mean, they're dancing. They're really high. Non-stop. Fun. Rich kids.. And then a couple making out and foreplaying behind us. I didn't see it, I was informed so. Good outing with Jason, happy 12 years of friendship and J-brother-ship.

31. Quantum of Solace: The Funeral of Hearts

Stress-talk

Currently enjoying the loudness of Avenged Sevenfold and downloading the latest Dragonforce XD

Enlightenment for a brighter path, dissertation of processes and inquisition into the sub-element of life...

The fork and spoon of life..(in some cases, chopsticks and knives). What are their equivalents in life? They poke, cut, pierce, dig, split, scoop, etc and finally dismember any particular object. In life, I think it's either the heart or the brain or might be the dick. I'm still looking into it whether our heart guides the hand or the body does the sometimes evil bidding of the brain. Emotion vs Brainpower. That doesn't matter so much now.

The play of feelings. The game of hearts. The link of emotions. The immeasurable degree of temptation. Love. For my level(personal), it's given the simple term "feeling". Not hunch. "Human-to-human Attraction Hormone".

So, what's up people. What is going on in this world. Or rather this life that breaks more than it may mend yet it is so fore-warned that it shall be handled with care. We just let it flow naturally. But we do know how to control it. And why we humans, are still so naive and stubborn only to let our hearts be broken.

(this is freaking me out, I am not so sure what I wrote actually make any sense yet..I actually forgot what I've drafted in mind to write here)

I had conversations with a few persons today including my mum this very first day after returning from jungle 400+km away. And they all involve love.

No, I'm not in trouble. But the surrounding is in trouble. It might not be as bad as I think. But to me, it hurts to think about it. When especially friendships are at stake of "feelings"-relationships. The single very powerful element in life. But it's two-faced. If you learn Moral on Moral Values and Ethics, there's two kinds of value: an instrumental and another is intrinsic. The instrumental, as it's related to materials defines the values as to nurture something so as to materialise something else with no real true perceived good intention, usually bad as being materialistic to the extent of being self-centred. Intrinsic on the other hand defines the values as natural and good in intention straightforwardly. In this case of love, the facade usually looks real good. Very normal, every normal typical human with no strong abstaining foundation could fall for it.

As mentioned, it could destroy. It brings chaos and disorganization. And I learn this from the people, some say, "it's best to remain as friends, otherwise intimacy could break us apart even from being just friends". But of course, some smarter hearts or people who truly understand the meaning of love and care without the lure of intimacy managed to get through life happily and ever after. It varies among many different types of people. But the concept is there I think, you either accidentally blow it or keep the flame burning with true mutual respect.

It's agonizing. Not as directly a lover or victim. Indirectly.. I gain my kind of experience and knowledge from friends and acquaintances. The suffering. The pain. Of each person come and go and hurting one another. I don't know. It's worse when you're dealing with a higher degree of maturity and there is more serious life-threatening emotions being involved. Meaning more harm generated if a breakage were to happen.

During the younger teenage years, love may just be infatuations, puppy-loves(my term is "puppet-love") and plain love-at-first-sights...that which when a failure occurs, it only injures at most the level of having false expectations or failed anticipations. In my opinion, it's immature and serious immaturity does lead to premature life delusion(or sometimes deaths). But at higher level, usually either at the start of adulthood or later on, a great deal of series of mental fluctuations takes place. Because at higher level of maturity, more values are being taken into seriously and expected/requested such as care, comfort, attention, material and etc., basically of a good life). When they are not met, mutual understanding starts to fail. If not handled appropriately or when one individual loses out to another competitor then the fallen may suffer and break.

The point here is not directing the blame to any side or particular figure. It's kind of like a key and lock. The whole point actually involves the "key into the lock" basic, which is the source and embryo to physical/sexual attraction a.k.a temptation. I have told this more than once in the same day (weird enough) on the basic derivation that I've attained from various sources that, men want women (women also want men) and usually women are caught in between (I'm not sure about the worldwide sex population). So women are like switches or diodes in electrical circuits which are men. Take for example, if there's a problem with the switch or the diode in a circuit, definitely electrical current will suffer some resistance or breakage. It's not to put the women at fault. I am merely showing the link of "I-need-you and you-need-me".

Sometimes it looks as though there's a succubus ruining lives but seriously it couldn't be helped. Humans, in my opinion make up a part of the animal kingdom on Mother Earth. So it's only natural, instinctive or intuition that we men and women succumb easily to temptations. Another way positively is, also natural, the mating need which prompted humans to hunt relentlessly and compete against each other.

My mum added, men do not think with their head. They think with their dicks. How true in certain cases. Though you(or we) may not feel it or not admit it but I think that is only normal.

It makes up the whole balance system in life. The ups and downs equal constant, that means there can not be ups only all the time and vice-versa. Some people living happily together, some enjoy playing with hearts while some do the "enjoy the silence" loneliness.

Basically, I see the play of love is doing more harm to people now. This seriously has an impact at an early stage of believing love is pure and free(flowing). But for me, it's still a long way to go from here and hopefully I don't get involved(in any treacherous relationship)(speaking from Jared's point).

After all, it's a wicked game we play. In life.

[No brains were screwed writing this screwy post, only plain mental torture inside out and plain sleepiness]

Friends and foes, buckle up. Life is fun but it is no joke.

[Thanks to the people who had inspiring talks on these with me. Quantum of Solace is of the upcoming 007 Bond movie title. Funeral of Hearts is of a song thievery from HIM. Inspiring phrases or words from Marilyn Manson - Heart-shaped Glasses(When The Heart Guides The Hand), Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence, Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. and Chris Isaak - Wicked Game. Not forgetting the Bernoulli's Theory.]

If you don't understand this post, forget about it I will try write something comprehensible. It's been a trouble for me to story-tell and explain things properly to people...urgh..twisted tongue

12.5 A Trip to Hell & Void~The World is Black

Personal/Ideals

Warning: Read at your own risk. Contains psychological elements.

A new nightmare surfaced. Again, these weird dreams often came to me when I slept in my grandfather's room(he'd passed away 5 years ago) or on the sofa in the living room. This morning I slept on the sofa. And this so-called nightmare landed a great impact in my thoughts. It touches on relationship especially friendship and attachments. You can read on for leisure or believe me I had it in my brain after waking up. Start; our country is facing a problem. A population control problem. So, the government implemented this ruling or system to lower down the number of people. It's not like the China's one child per family ruling. It's the perishing of a number of people currently living. It's some sort of National Service selection process. If you are "lucky" you got shortlisted to, well end your life and help mankind. Absurd. I was weeping and holding back all my tears in my dream(for all I can remember) because a few of my friends are named and going to be put to sleep in the death sentence execution process where the person is given a lethal injection.

Ah, I can't contained the deep agony I felt in my heart at that moment when I see everybody congregating into the building to see their loved ones given free legal ticket to heaven. The feeling of going to have your best friends dying so soon, that's just way too hard for a teenager like me and what more, they are your friends who you just knew not more than 10 years and have bonded as good acquaintances and activity partners. Yes, the people in my dream do exist in this reality so imagine them being sent off now for that reason. My real close friends. I was very upset on how could the world be so cruel sending us teenagers to death to regulate the margin of our country's population. You see, I have this principle in me which is strongly against taking away others' lives because we have no right to do that even if vengeance takes place unto us(I am believer to Gandhi's words, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"). So what to do if we have no power and we couldn't stand up strong. We watch and cry.

My point here is, when I am face-to-face to that situation the whole world seems to suddenly lose its foundation and everything falls onto your heart, heavy and asphyxiating. I have this very awful emotion in the dream. But I told myself soon let's face it with tough cardiac and facial mucle tissues, it's gonna happen anyway. A fate. A mere significant heart-filled coercing of life's flow. Then, I went to visit one of my friends(I don't have to name them-what a touchwood tragedy). He's on the bed beside is a screen showing the process of injection progress and his pulse rate. Hearts start to sank as the heartbeat rate starts to retard. Our last conversation. It's not like in the movies(because I don't have much emotion while watching). Of course I could dream of feeling like this because I've had experience watching my grandfather going up the stairway to heaven, watching family members being sad for the deceased and, collecting all my fishes which succumbed to death. And I can't remember if I have seen him the moment he stopped breathing. My heart at that moment is beyond recognition.. the inner point I am going to write about is attachment. It's very hard to let go, of anything. Like, a friend suddenly dies and you haven't got the chance to talk to him/her or tell him/her you have a heart for him/her or at least but really last, a goodbye. Even in normal circumstance when a friend didn't die and I didn't get to tell him/her goodbye I'd have already felt sad. There's another scene where I called a girl(friend) to tell her I wanna meet her and say goodbye but I was interrupted by my gang(I'm somewhat a bad-ass gangster member) as I am ordered to wreck havoc in one of the wards where the girl I wanted to meet is at. And then I woke up. Everything was just a dream. Glad.

So cherish your life as Elvis Stojko quoted as saying, "The past is history, the future is a mystery but today is a gift, that's why they call it the present so cherish every minute of it". You don't have to go confessing to all girls that you liked them before it's too late, I mean that's weird and dumb but just appreciate their presence in your life which makes you happy so you don't regret if anything out of the questions happen. And I just read this story article written by a survivor of the Khmer Rouge terrorism in this year's Reader's Digest June issue. Sokreaksa S. Himm wrote, "All I wished for at that moment was to tell my mother how much I loved her. I wished I we had been able to say goodbye. At the same time, my heart burned with rage." That was when he was witnessing his mother being clubbed to death by the Khmer Rouge agents. Just for your information, he met and forgave the murderers 25 years after he escaped from his village. So, that's the intense funereal emotion.

That's it, plenty of digression and fully "grandfather story"(muaha u know who u r who described my posts with) equipped lines. Stressful flow of life it is we're living in...

[Song title thievery from The World Is Black by Good Charlotte]

10. Tarantula Terror Tobacco Teeth

Personal

May 11th - Dental Appointment

waa... It's been a while since I suffered the stress of very tender painful biting impact on the teeth only to hear the doctor says, "put rubber bands" then I knew that I would feel that agony again. I couldn't open my mouth wide. I can't yawn with my mouth opened big. I can't shout nor wail. I can't cough properly. I can't do any job which requires my mouth to open big enough for something to enter, even sticking my tongue out to lick or wet my lips is hindered. Darn rubber bands. But it's replaceable, when brushing or eating. Its function, to ....bla bla bla...I can't remember what the very short skirt clad nurse said because I was looking at my brand new look of teeth. Some kind of physics applied to put tension in different directions on the teeth to get a resultant force which will be the direction the teeth moving to. oh puck! I just sneezed and it fraeking HURTS!!! Imagine someone punching your teeth from the inside out while you grit your teeth hard. I self-proclaim this as "body jewellery" or "extreme body modification" as featured in The Startwo pg2. hehe

This could be the very future Saw X movie's pin up... (beware: original size of photo is extreme-might induce nightmare)
Imagine all the hooked teeth would snap to pull out everything out of their place after the timer goes off...